Daddy Dialectic

BBBDs was at the Daddy Dialectic today. Jeremy Adam Smith, who's the senior editor of Greater Good Magazine, wrote:

A century ago--a quarter-century ago, even--an ideological concrete barrier with barbed wire on top divided fathers from infants and toddlers. In real life, the wall was breached every day. Fathers have always cared for children. But the barrier I'm talking about was was real and it did shape men's caregiving behavior.

Today, that barrier is dissolving. When The Baby Bonding Book for Dads urges the new father to "take off your shirt, pick your baby up in just his diaper, and hold him," the authors are tapping a sensual dimension of fatherhood that was once taboo. This book very much assumes involved fatherhood is the healthy norm, and that's nothing but good.

Read the full review (plus the critique that the book doesn't have enough photos of people of color) here.

Mama(e) in Translation and Her Able Hands

Kelly Ferry, at Her Able Hands, has seen Katherine Hepburn swoon on the sidewalk and eaten, actually eaten, poison ivy. She's so totally awesome (an amazing cook, baby bib maker, friend, everything) but she has one fatal flaw: she lives in Ohio. We wonder daily how she can do this to us. But we stopped in Ohio on the book tour. Here's a snippet from her post:

Both of my children were conceived out of wedlock and for a time in my life I joked that maybe my real purpose on earth is to turn men into fathers. Good thing it didn’t happen a third time, I hear that’s the charm. But seriously, watching the fathers of my two wonderful children holding their newborn babies, witnessing their hearts unfolding was some of the most gorgeous life I have lived. Watching a man turn into a soft puddle of love is beyond beautiful.

Reading Jennifer and James’ book brought me right back to those times. I didn’t get to see Chris meet Lila because hers was an emergency birth and the morphine had hit pretty hard by that time, but I loved hearing all of my family and friends tell me about how he became singularly focused on her tiny body in the incubator. How he kept his hand on her tummy while the nurses did all of their nursy things and made sure she was healthy (two weeks early–perfectly healthy) and wouldn’t let her out of his sight for those hours while I slid in and out of consciousness in recovery. I’m so happy they had each other because I wasn’t able to offer anything but some hallucinating psychobabble. Hey! I can see through my eyelids! This is awesome! Am I at the White Party at the Filmore East again?

The full post is here.

Our second stop was at Mama(e) in Translation who writes an awesome blog about being a Brazilian mama in the U.S. (and she just finished her Ph.D. in literature!). She had her husband blog about the book. Here's what he said:

Open the baby book for dads and you will feel an irresistible urge to smile. The fabulous faces of the babies portrayed in the book bonding with their respective daddies breaks the ice for the gentle coaching offered by Properzio and Margulis to unsure soon-to-be/recent dads.

As a father of two boys, now no longer babies, I was delighted to see how precisely the experience of bonding was described. The the advice given is rich and sound, and the approach to interacting with these lovely small creatures brings home the great experience of being a dad. It is true that the days fly by very quickly at this young age. Thus every minute counts. And there will never be a better time to connect with one's child. If you are concerned about not missing any minute, The Baby Book For Dads can help you do it in a fun and relaxed way. Before we know it we are left with just pictures and fond memories of these unforgettable moments with our baby.

Read the full post here.

In South Africa and Southern Oregon

For our most far away stop on the tour, The Baby Bonding Book For Dads visited our friend Tertia Albertyn's fantastic blog, So Close, in South Africa. Warning if you click to her blog: it's well written, funny, honest, poignant, sometimes bawdy (ladies, she asked in a recent poll, do you spit or swallow?), and totally addictive, so read at your own risk. Here's an excerpt from her review:

While some men are absolute ‘naturals’ when it comes to tiny babies, there are many, like my husband, who were complete novices when their first little baby arrives. So much of the ‘fuss’ pre and post birth is around the mom (as it should be!) that the poor dads often get totally forgotten about and their introduction to babies is a baptism by fire.

This beautiful little book is a the perfect ‘baby shower’ gift for all new dads and besides the stunning photos it contains, it also has some pretty insightful tips and advice from the author (James, Jennifer’s husband) who is a father of three himself. Newborn bonding, carrying, skin-to-skin contact, diapering, going places, napping, playing, exercising, reading to baby etc is all covered in a lighthearted and informative way.

For our closest stop on the tour, we were over at Sean Bagshaw's amazing photography blog. We met Sean a few years ago when Wondertime hired him to take pictures of us for a story I wrote about family biking. He specializes in outdoor landscape photography and his work is really unique and amazing (and hangs in office buildings throughout the country). Here's an excerpt from what Sean wrote about the book:

It is a book I wish I had when I was first introduced to fatherhood. James and Jennifer have packed it full of honest, helpful and humorous stories and advice to help new dads realize the importance of connecting with their babies starting on day one ... As a photographer I particularly like the selection of photos that accompany the text.

Chris Briscoe, a father himself, is a well known and highly respected portrait photographer from Ashland, Oregon. Since I have known Chris, I have always been drawn to his calm charisma and genuine interest in people. His talent with people photography comes from his kind, disarming personality and love of interacting with others. His special talent for getting to know his subjects, putting them at ease in front of the camera and getting their best to show allows him to produce honest and engaging images. I have seen many of his photos of babies and dads in his studio, but until this book I had not seen an entire collection of dad and baby photos, which strengthens them even more. Each photo in the book is a perfect compliment to the narrative. The wonderful black and white images illustrate the emotional connection that can and should form between a father and his baby and help to bring the stories in the book to life ....

As Father’s Day approaches, this book and the photographs have given me some new energy as a father and brought back some great memories of my sons as babies. Additionally, it has reminded me that I need to pull my focus away from landscape photography every once in a while and take some more photos of my kids.

Read the entire review here.

A Stay-At-Home Dad Reviews BBBDs

Phil at A Family Runs Through It, who has an excellent blog about homeschooling, parenting, being a stay-at-home dad, and life with two children in northern Idaho, reviewed the book for the blog book tour. It was fun to "go" to Idaho (especially since Phil really liked the book!). Here's his review:

It's been nearly ten years since we brought my son home from the hospital. I remember thinking that I wasn't ready to have a newborn in the house. After all, I had never been around babies before. My whole life I held a baby once, for about 30 seconds. I'm pretty sure I didn't drop it.

So I was completely unprepared for being a father. I had to go out and buy one of those step-by-step photo books that showed how to hold a baby, change a diaper, buckle up a car seat, and other simple, but daunting, procedures.

I wish I'd had more. I wish I'd had The Baby Bonding Book For Dads.

Written by the husband/wife team of James di Properzio and Jennifer Margulis, the book is specifically for clueless dads, like I was, who have little or no experience in taking care of babies. But it's not just about the nuts and bolts of caring for children. This is about building a real emotional bond between father and baby.

Oh yeah, it does have all that instructional stuff in it. Chapters about diapering, napping, travel, and exercise are all quick, fun reads filled with practical information. The authors then go beyond that to talk about how the experience of caring for a newborn helps dads forge solid relationships with their kids.

None of the topics in this book are a surprise to me now, but I've had ten years to learn it on my own. I wonder how much easier my job would've been if my eyes had been opened to a few of these concepts much earlier on. It's really simple stuff, but sometimes men don't want to see the simple truths staring them right in the face.

And when's a better time to form a bond with your child than the first day they become a part of the family?

If you know any new, or soon-to-be, fathers, The Baby Bonding Book For Dads would make a great gift. At 92 pages, with lighthearted text and charming photos, it's sure to soften the hearts of even the most stubbornly clueless men.

Q & A with James di Properzio at Natural Birth and Baby Care

Kristen Burgess at Natural Birth and Baby Care did a Q & A with co-author James di Properzio for her stop on the blog book tour. Here's an excerpt:

Do you think it’s important for fathers-to-be to prepare for fatherhood before the birth of their babies?

I do think that, unless you have had a lot of experience with babies already, you need some information, but mostly you need to get psychologically ready. Everyone, men and women alike, has a variety of things they are going to be anxious about while expecting a first baby, no matter what. Entering a role you aren’t in the habit of filling is stressful, but far more so if you aren’t clear on what’s expected of you, of what to expect of yourself. We paint a picture of a natural role for fathers as primary parents, whether they are the primary caregiver or work long hours out of the house. My dad bonded well with me when I was a baby, even though he only saw me awake first thing in the morning and at bedtime when he got home form work, just by making the most of the time and really wanting to interact with me.

Can the book help dads get ready?

That’s what it all about: getting psychologically ready to greet your baby with open arms, with a picture in mind of the dad you want to be and confidence that you know what to do with a newborn and aren’t making it all up as you go. It gives you the full framework of what to do, and why, and I talk personally about my experiences, too. Plus the pictures of dozens of joyful dads with their babies are a good image to have in your head as fatherhood approaches.

Do you think it would be helpful to fathers already parenting their babies?

I do, though what they get from it will depend on the dad. Most experienced dads will be comfortable already with most of what we talk about, but will still find a few things they might like to add to their bonding repertoire. Dads still feeling apprehension, or like they don’t have the bond with the baby that they want, or the comfort and confidence in their role as a father, will find it helpful and encouraging. And any dad will enjoy the reinforcement of these ideas, as well as the celebration of fathers and babies in the beautiful photographs by Christopher Briscoe. A good gauge of this is that moms whose kids aren’t even babies any more have really been enjoying the book, as a verbal and visual picture of fully-engaged fatherhood.

I think the short format and small sections of the book are easy for busy dads to read - have you found the book is easier for women to get their partners to read than some of the other dad books on the market?

Our idea was that men could read it topic-by-topic as things caught their eye, and each topic can be read in on very brief sitting, a minute or two–even a visit to the bathroom. It’s an eye-catcher and an easy read, and the whole book can be read in one sitting, less than an hour. Already some reviewers have said they got their husbands who wouldn’t willingly read the big, encyclopedic parenting guides to read this book–and even to pass it on to other men who are expectant dads. It’s written to be inviting, and to be enjoyed. That’s our idea to convey about fatherhood, too.

A lot of my site visitors are looking for a more “hands-on” or “attachment” style of parenting - is your book a good way to introduce that to dads?

Our book is aimed at all new dads, but it advocates ‘attachment fathering’ without saying so. In fact, the point of the book is to help men get over the gap our culture traditionally sets up between men and babies–what you might call ‘distance fathering.’ Men today are open to engaged parenting, but that is not how they were raised, for the most part, and so they haven’t absorbed a model for how to do it. I’ve been amazed that even among the people I went to college with there are still guys who never change a diaper! I mention in the book that when Muhammad Ali and his wife were expecting their first child, reporters asked jokingly if the champ was going to change diapers. He said no, adding that it was women’s work. But years later his wife revealed that when the baby was born, Ali, without asking anyone for help, taught himself to change diapers, because he wanted to do it.

We talk about the pleasures of holding your baby, talking to the baby and caring for her and wearing her in front packs and back, about the value of skin-to-skin contact. I want to address even the most apprehensive or old-style dads, and get them more involved. There aren’t any big tricks or volumes of information to cover–it’s as simple as being hands-on and seeing yourself as a primary parent, not a secondary one after the mom.

It was perfectly clear to me that if I followed the well-trodden path and let my wife do most of the baby care and handling, I would stay there, at arm’s length from the baby. I knew I would regret that. This book is all about closing that gap, and bringing the baby from arm’s length right into the father’s arms.

Read the entire post here.

Read her full book review here.

Most popular baby names 2007

The Social Security Administration has released the most popular boys & girls names for 2007. Some are surprising.

Male names
1 Jacob
2 Michael
3 Ethan
4 Joshua
5 Daniel
6 Christopher
7 Anthony
8 William
9 Matthew
10 Andrew

Female Names
1 Emily
2 Isabella
3 Emma
4 Ava
5 Madison
6 Sophia
7 Olivia
8 Abigail
9 Hannah
10 Elizabeth

Baby Bonding at Jumping Monkeys

Megan Morrone at Jumping Monkeys reviewed the book yesterday. Here's what she had to say about it:

Review: The Baby Bonding Book for Dads

PR people send me a lot of stuff. Sometimes they even get my name right.

Entrepreneurs and authors also contact me and they almost always get my name right. That's only one of the reasons why I prefer to deal directly with the source, especially when I'm interested in what they're trying to promote. This was the case when Jennifer Margulis wrote to me asking if I'd be a stop on her blog tour of the book she co-authored with her husband James di Properzio, The Baby Bonding Book for Dads.

The Baby Bonding Book for Dads is a little photo book with simple advice on how a dad can bond with his baby. The photos manage to capture both the sweet and not-so-sweet moments of fathering a child.

The advice is straightforward and useful, especially to new fathers who may not be as likely to share this kind of advice with their other new father friends.

Some of the most useful advice includes:

*Use your pinky finger to soothe a crying infant.
*Newborns are portable. Take them out now, because soon you won't be able to.
*When your baby is really little, you don't have to always read their books. Reading your own book aloud to them counts as bonding too.

The photos are really lovely and the book would be perfect shower gift for an expecting dad. I'm left wondering, though, are most men interested in looking at lovely photos? And do they give each other shower gifts?

The advice in this book is so solid and so important for dads to know, that I wish it had been packaged differently. Maybe in the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader style?