If You Improve Your Marriage You'll Have More Sex

When you and your partner are doing better vertically, you'll have more fun horizontally.

That horizontal fun often results in a child, or a second child, or--surprise!--a third.

Wait a second, how did that happen? Was it an accident?

When family and friends ask you and your wife if this next pregnancy was a surprise, even if it was, answer: "Big surprise, I have no idea how it happened. Could you explain it to me?"

Though some women love to have sex when their pregnant, others can't stand the sight of you and think your breath smells like rotten meat. Either way, having (more) children creates stress on your relationship, which makes it harder to find time to be intimate.

That guy from work who told you it was a piece of cake to have kids? Break his knuckles next time you see him.


In the meantime, there's a good book to read about improving your marriage, two copies of which are being given away by co-author of the Baby Bonding Book for Dads, Jennifer Margulis.

MARRIAGE RULES: A MANUAL FOR THE MARRIED AND THE COUPLED UP by psychologist Harriet Lerner who, we can only hope, has a good marriage and gets lots of action.

Leave a comment on Jennifer's blog by September 7th to throw your hat in the ring to win a free copy.

Dads to Blame for Hereditary Problems

Excerpts from an article of interest about a study from researchers in Iceland linking the father's age to genetic disorders in his offspring:

"Kids' Mutation Rate Tracks with Father's Age," By Michael Smith, North American Correspondent, MedPage Today Published: August 22, 2012 Reviewed by Dori F. Zaleznik, MD; Associate Clinical Professor of Medicine, Harvard Medical School, Boston

 In a large-scale genetic study, every 1-year increase in the father's age at conception of a child added two new single nucleotide polymorphisms, according to Kari Stefansson, MD, PhD, of deCODE Genetics in Reykjavik, Iceland, and colleagues.

 In contrast, the mother's age was not significantly associated with an increased number of such genetic variants, Stefansson and colleagues reported in the Aug. 23 issue of Nature.

"A father's age at the time a child is conceived explains nearly all of the population diversity in new hereditary mutations found in the offspring," Stefansson said in a statement. "Conventional wisdom has been to blame developmental disorders of children on the age of mothers," he said, but "it is the age of fathers that appears to be the real culprit."

The likelihood of new mutations in sperm is higher than in eggs, because sperm are continually produced, so there is more opportunity for genetic errors to creep in.

 One implication of the findings is that demographic changes that lead to men fathering children at an older age "can have a considerable impact on the rate of certain diseases linked to new mutation," Stefansson said.

The paternal effect on mutation rate has been demonstrated before, commented Alexey Kondrashov, PhD, of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. But the Icelandic study yields "the most precise and definite" estimates so far, he wrote in an accompanying article.

One implication of the finding, he argued, is that the rise of such syndromes as autism spectrum disorder might be partly explained by a relative lack of evolutionary selection pressure on humans, combined with the paternal effect.

The study was supported by the National Institutes of Health and the European Community. Stefansson is CEO of deCODE Genetics, and most authors are employees of the company.

Story at a glance: A mother-father-offspring study from Iceland found that de novo mutations in the offspring correlated with older age for the father.

Two extra single nucleotide polymorphisms occurred per year for every year of age older the father was at conception.

It's the father's age – not the mother's – that increases the risk of new hereditary mutations in children, researchers reported.

Moms Multitask More Than Dads, But They Don't Like It

A study in the American Sociological Review found that working moms multitask more than dads, and that all that doing-five-things-at-the-same-time is stressing them out.

Here's the abstract:

"This study suggests that multitasking constitutes an important source of gender inequality, which can help explain previous findings that mothers feel more burdened and stressed than do fathers even when they have relatively similar workloads. Using data from the 500 Family Study, including surveys and the Experience Sampling Method, the study examines activities parents simultaneously engage in and how they feel when multitasking. We find that mothers spend 10 more hours a week multitasking compared to fathers and that these additional hours are mainly related to time spent on housework and childcare. For mothers, multitasking activities at home and in public are associated with an increase in negative emotions, stress, psychological distress, and work-family conflict. By contrast, fathers’ multitasking at home involves less housework and childcare and is not a negative experience. We also find several similarities by gender. Mothers’ and fathers’ multitasking in the company of a spouse or children are positive experiences, whereas multitasking at work, although associated with an increased sense of productivity, is perceived as a negative experience."

You can read the entire study, "Revisiting the Gender Gap in Time-Use Patterns: Multitasking and Well-Being among Mothers and Fathers in Dual-Earner Families" here.

Grandpas Can Bond With the Baby Too

Another Reason Not to Circumcise Your Baby Boy

The debate about circumcision continues unabated in the United States.

Though more parents are choosing not to circumcise their infants in the absence of medical indication, there are still many American parents who have no religious reason for circumcising who choose to have it done anyway.

If you're on the fence about circumcision, here are some questions to consider:

Why have one of your newborn's first experiences be painful?

How could cutting off part of a baby boy's genitals possibly be of benefit?

Why do something irrevocable at birth that you may regret later?

Why not wait and let your son decide for himself?

When a circumcision gets botched, sometimes the damage done to a newborn's penis cannot be fixed. This boy lost his penis in 2004. The 2.3 million awarded to his family will not change the fact that their son is permanently deformed and will never have children of his own.

At the most recent meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics in Boston this October, it was reported that the number of botched circumcisions has risen precipitously: "Data contributed by pediatric hospitals nationwide showed a 119% increase in the rate of revision circumcision procedures from 2004 to 2009."

If that's not enough to give you pause, consider this:

Circumcision cuts length and girth off the penis.

It also seems to contribute to sexual dysfunction.

This recent scientific study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology and conducted in Denmark, where fewer than 5 percent of men are circumcised, found that circumcised men had more orgasm difficulties, and that women with circumcised spouses more often reported sexual dissatisfaction.

The first days of your newborn's life are precious.

You should be spending time skin-to-skin, looking into your baby's eyes, and enjoying the warm, heavy weight in your hands.

You shouldn't be tending to a raw and painful wound on your son's penis, bringing him to the emergency room because of excessive bleeding, or causing him pain.

If you're not sure, don't do it. You'll be so glad you didn't.

DIY Dad: Laundry Detergent

I like Do-It-Yourself things, at least as long as they are easy, and rescue you from being at anyone else's mercy. I didn't grow up that way--my dad and grandfather couldn't change their own motor oil or fix a bike flat. When we bought our first house I fixed things using the only tools I had: those on my Swiss Army knife. Once I realized that many things can be fixed faster than calling in a repairman, and that you can't do anything without Vise-Grips, I felt a lot more in control of my world.

I hate running out of detergent. With four kids, one of them in cloth diapers, we do a couple loads of laundry a day, so making our own not only brings the cost of detergent down to about a penny a load, but it means I can make 3 gallons at a time, and when I run out I can make another 3 gallons in just a few minutes--less time than it would take to get to the store.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup washing soda
1 cup borax
3 oz. plain bar soap, or soap flakes, or Dr. Bronner's
5 gallon plastic bucket

The washing soda, borax and soap flakes you can get at the hardware store (I got mine at the local Ace). Likewise the bucket. I have a bucket just that size that I got some bulk tofu in years ago (when we were eating a heck of a lot of tofu); but that one has since been used as a cloth diaper bucket, and now holds about 40 pounds worth of my longer, heavier tools (the Swiss Army knife was more portable, at least).

Fill the bucket with 11 liters of water (many are marked in liters, or in quarts, which is close enough). Add the wash soda and borax. Dissolve the soap in a liter/quart of hot water, and pour that in. You're done.

You can use it right away. Overnight, the chemical reaction will finish, and there will be a gel taking up a lot of the bucket, plus some liquid. Scoop up a half cup, including some of each, for each load. Works great in cold water, and cleans as well as any detergent I've used.

The soap: you can use any bar soap you may have around (3 oz. is a typical size cake), and shave it into the hot water with a cheese grater until it dissolves. Or save yourself the grating, which is the only step that takes any effort, and just use soap flakes from a box. Dr. Bronner's is already liquid, so if you use that, you can just pour it and the hot water right into the bucket and be done.

You get to do chemistry in your kitchen, and the reward is finding the finished liquid detergent in the morning!

Thanks to Frugal Kiwi for first turning me on to this recipe and what a ripoff commercial laundry detergent is.

Bond With Your Baby By Wearing Her Shirt ...

... on your head.