The Baby Bonding Book For Dads

Moms Multitask More Than Dads, But They Don't Like It

2012-01-11T21:49:00.000-08:00

A study in the American Sociological Review found that working moms multitask more than dads, and that all that doing-five-things-at-the-same-time is stressing them out.

Here's the abstract:

"This study suggests that multitasking constitutes an important source of gender inequality, which can help explain previous findings that mothers feel more burdened and stressed than do fathers even when they have relatively similar workloads. Using data from the 500 Family Study, including surveys and the Experience Sampling Method, the study examines activities parents simultaneously engage in and how they feel when multitasking. We find that mothers spend 10 more hours a week multitasking compared to fathers and that these additional hours are mainly related to time spent on housework and childcare. For mothers, multitasking activities at home and in public are associated with an increase in negative emotions, stress, psychological distress, and work-family conflict. By contrast, fathers’ multitasking at home involves less housework and childcare and is not a negative experience. We also find several similarities by gender. Mothers’ and fathers’ multitasking in the company of a spouse or children are positive experiences, whereas multitasking at work, although associated with an increased sense of productivity, is perceived as a negative experience."

You can read the entire study, "Revisiting the Gender Gap in Time-Use Patterns: Multitasking and Well-Being among Mothers and Fathers in Dual-Earner Families" here.

Grandpas Can Bond With the Baby Too

2011-12-20T12:32:00.001-08:00

Another Reason Not to Circumcise Your Baby Boy

2011-11-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

The debate about circumcision continues unabated in the United States.

Though more parents are choosing not to circumcise their infants in the absence of medical indication, there are still many American parents who have no religious reason for circumcising who choose to have it done anyway.

If you're on the fence about circumcision, here are some questions to consider:

Why have one of your newborn's first experiences be painful?

How could cutting off part of a baby boy's genitals possibly be of benefit?

Why do something irrevocable at birth that you may regret later?

Why not wait and let your son decide for himself?

When a circumcision gets botched, sometimes the damage done to a newborn's penis cannot be fixed. This boy lost his penis in 2004. The 2.3 million awarded to his family will not change the fact that their son is permanently deformed and will never have children of his own.

At the most recent meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics in Boston this October, it was reported that the number of botched circumcisions has risen precipitously: "Data contributed by pediatric hospitals nationwide showed a 119% increase in the rate of revision circumcision procedures from 2004 to 2009."

If that's not enough to give you pause, consider this:

Circumcision cuts length and girth off the penis.

It also seems to contribute to sexual dysfunction.

This recent scientific study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology and conducted in Denmark, where fewer than 5 percent of men are circumcised, found that circumcised men had more orgasm difficulties, and that women with circumcised spouses more often reported sexual dissatisfaction.

The first days of your newborn's life are precious.

You should be spending time skin-to-skin, looking into your baby's eyes, and enjoying the warm, heavy weight in your hands.

You shouldn't be tending to a raw and painful wound on your son's penis, bringing him to the emergency room because of excessive bleeding, or causing him pain.

If you're not sure, don't do it. You'll be so glad you didn't.

DIY Dad: Laundry Detergent

2011-07-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

I like Do-It-Yourself things, at least as long as they are easy, and rescue you from being at anyone else's mercy. I didn't grow up that way--my dad and grandfather couldn't change their own motor oil or fix a bike flat. When we bought our first house I fixed things using the only tools I had: those on my Swiss Army knife. Once I realized that many things can be fixed faster than calling in a repairman, and that you can't do anything without Vise-Grips, I felt a lot more in control of my world.

I hate running out of detergent. With four kids, one of them in cloth diapers, we do a couple loads of laundry a day, so making our own not only brings the cost of detergent down to about a penny a load, but it means I can make 3 gallons at a time, and when I run out I can make another 3 gallons in just a few minutes--less time than it would take to get to the store.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup washing soda
1 cup borax
3 oz. plain bar soap, or soap flakes, or Dr. Bronner's
5 gallon plastic bucket

The washing soda, borax and soap flakes you can get at the hardware store (I got mine at the local Ace). Likewise the bucket. I have a bucket just that size that I got some bulk tofu in years ago (when we were eating a heck of a lot of tofu); but that one has since been used as a cloth diaper bucket, and now holds about 40 pounds worth of my longer, heavier tools (the Swiss Army knife was more portable, at least).

Fill the bucket with 11 liters of water (many are marked in liters, or in quarts, which is close enough). Add the wash soda and borax. Dissolve the soap in a liter/quart of hot water, and pour that in. You're done.

You can use it right away. Overnight, the chemical reaction will finish, and there will be a gel taking up a lot of the bucket, plus some liquid. Scoop up a half cup, including some of each, for each load. Works great in cold water, and cleans as well as any detergent I've used.

The soap: you can use any bar soap you may have around (3 oz. is a typical size cake), and shave it into the hot water with a cheese grater until it dissolves. Or save yourself the grating, which is the only step that takes any effort, and just use soap flakes from a box. Dr. Bronner's is already liquid, so if you use that, you can just pour it and the hot water right into the bucket and be done.

You get to do chemistry in your kitchen, and the reward is finding the finished liquid detergent in the morning!

Thanks to Frugal Kiwi for first turning me on to this recipe and what a ripoff commercial laundry detergent is.

Bond With Your Baby By Wearing Her Shirt ...

2011-02-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

... on your head.

Featured in the Toronto Star

2011-01-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

Ann Douglas, Canada's best known parenting writer and a mother of four, included THE BABY BONDING BOOK FOR DADS in today's article in the Toronto Star, "A guide to books about babies and pregnancy."

Here’s an excerpt from Douglas’s review:

“Looking for a gift for the new dad? (First of all: good for you. Most people forget all about the new dad in their rush to shower love, attention, and gifts on the new mom and the new baby.) This lovely book celebrates the unique bond between babies and their dads through a mix of photographs and positive, encouraging text.”

Bonding with Baby (and the Whole Family) During the Holidays

2010-12-24T11:28:00.000-08:00

Some dads find the bustle of the holidays invigorating, a chance to show love for family and friends, an excuse to eat special foods like pot roast and figgy pudding, and a time to take a breather from work.

Others would rather have pneumonia than have to buy one more Christmas present or attend one more holiday party. They feel stressed about money, prone to depression because of family-of-origin issues, and generally out of sorts.

But whether you're Happy or Grinchy around Christmastime, it's important to try to stay connected to your baby, and your family.

Here's how:

1) Set aside some quiet time every day when you can play with your baby. Even if it's just ten minutes, make sure you have this time to reconnect.

2) Set clear boundaries with visiting family before they arrive. Make sure you explain the baby's schedule to them and let them know that your plans will revolve around that.

3) Bring the baby with you on errands or exercise. This gives your partner a break and gives you some time with the little one.

4) Don't be passive aggressive when holiday stress is bothering you. Communicate with your partner and tell your family when you need space.

Canadian Study Finds Obese Children Have Heart Problems

2010-10-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

Dads! Maybe it's time to give up the Happy Meals and dust off the baseball mitts?

A recent study of 63 obese children in Canada found that they have heart problems usually associated with adults with cardiovascular disease.

"We were surprised to find that these obese children already have stiff blood vessels," Dr. Kevin Harris from B.C.'s Children's Hospital told the Canadian Cardiovascular Congress 2010, co-hosted by the Canadian Cardiovascular Society and the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada.

"Aortic stiffness is an early indicator of cardiovascular disease in obese children," Dr. Harris explained.

The results of his study indicate that the aging process has been accelerated in the aorta of grossly overweight children.

Dr. Harris and colleagues evaluated 63 obese children and compared them with 55 normal weight controls.

According to a press release from the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada, blood pressure was taken, lipids evaluated, and body mass index measured. Children then underwent echocardiography, or ultrasound, of the heart and blood vessels. This test was used to determine the Pulse Wave Velocity in the aorta. This is a measure of how fast blood flows and was one of the measures used to assess aortic stiffness.

Heart and Stroke Foundation spokesperson Dr. Beth Abramson says the rate of childhood obesity has tripled over the last 25 years and it continues to increase. Over 25 per cent of Canadian children between the ages of two and 17 years are overweight or obese, with the percent increasing with age from 21 percent among those two to five years to 29 percent among those aged 12 to 17.

Researchers don't know if the ill effects of obesity are reversible but it has been found that reducing processed food consumption, eating fresh healthy food (and lots of leafy greens), spending more time outside, and exercising as a family all help prevent childhood obesity.

Dads Need To Eat More Greens

2010-09-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

We know that a diet higher in vegetables, especially raw vegetables, is good for all Americans. But eating leafy greens may be particularly good for dads.

According to the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM), over-consumption of milk products in America may be connected with the high incidents of prostate cancer that we have here.

"Prostate cancer is one of the most common malignancies worldwide, with an estimated 400,000 new cases diagnosed annually," writes Dr. Neal D. Barnard, M.D. in a PCRM fact sheet. The fact sheet concludes: "... [S]everal lines of evidence indicate that consumption of dairy products is associated with increased risk of prostate cancer incidence and mortality. Avoidance of these products may offer a means of reducing risk of this common illness."

So what should men eat instead?

Green leafy vegetables!

Any nutritionist will tell you that one key to good health is to eat a high intake of green leafies, especially dark ones that are high in fiber, vitamins, and minerals.

However, if all you’re bringing home from the supermarket is iceberg lettuce, you may need to revisit the salad aisle.

While crisp, light green iceberg lettuce is a beloved food for many Americans, it’s actually the least healthy of the greens, and better left at home. Iceberg lettuce does have fiber, and some vitamin A. But Ruth Yaron, author of the bestselling book, "Super Baby Food," calls it a “nutritional waste of time,” and urges Americans to consider darker, tastier greens.

Unlike iceberg lettuce, most dark green leafies are high in iron, the mineral that is found in the largest quantities in the blood. Common knowledge that women need to have a diet high in iron, fewer people know that men need to make sure they get enough iron as well. Iron is responsible for producing the blood’s hemoglobin and also for oxygenating red blood cells.

According to the National Anemia Action Council, at least 3.4 million Americans suffer from anemia, an iron deficiency. About 20% are women, and about 50% are children.

Squeezing lemon juice or other citrus on greens, or eating them with fish, also helps the body absorb iron more efficiently.

But for those of us who do not know our arugula from our mustard greens, how do we decide which green to pluck off the vegetable shelf?

Arugula: For the novice green leaf eater, beware: arugula is surprisingly spicy. Some describe this flavorful green as “nutty.” It has a sharp crisp flavor, a palate pleaser to those who like unusual tastes. Use in the place of spinach or lettuce. Arugula can also be cooked and added to pasta sauces or other dishes. But if you’re interested in getting the most nutrients for your leaf, eat it raw.

Chicory: You’ll often find chicory in gourmet salad mixtures, which may be the best way to eat it. Like arugula, chicory has a bitter flavor. In WWII when coffee was in short supply, the roots of chicory were dried and added to coffee to stretch it. In New Orleans, it’s remained a chosen taste ever since. Rich in vitamins K, C, and calcium, chicory is also good in soups and sauces.

Collard greens: Popular in the South where every supermarket stocks these gigantic leaves, collard greens are dark in color and the leaves are tough. Best steamed or boiled, try not to overcook them (Southerners tend to cook most of the flavor—and the nutrients—out of collard greens and serve them drowning in butter as a side dish. Not the healthiest way to eat these flavorful leaves.) They are rich in vitamin A and calcium, as well as fiber and other nutrients.

Dandelion greens: While Italian-Americans love dandelion greens (also called cardoons), they’re not as popular with the mainstream American palate. Rich in vitamin A and calcium, dandelion greens have a delightfully bitter taste. If you don’t go for bitter, try sautéing them in lemon juice, butter, salt, and vinegar to cut the flavor. Best served over homemade Italian pasta or with cannellini beans.

Kale: Kale’s a champion among green leafy vegetables. It has a strong taste, and its leaves are tough (though baby and adult leaves can be eaten raw, some people prefer to cook them) but it’s so packed with nutritional perfection that this is a leaf you should not pass up. Cultivating a liking for the strong flavor of kale means a pay off in vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, folic acid, and potassium. Try dinosaur kale (it looks scaly, hence the name) or purple kale (yep, it’s purple).

Mustard greens: These greens are spicy even “hot.” Like their fellow leaf friends, mustard greens are rich in vitamin A, vitamin C, and calcium. To maximize their nutritional content, eat them raw in a salad mixture. They also add a nice flavor to soup.

Spinach: Most of us know spinach though we might not be in the habit of eating it. But it’s worth the work to cultivate a taste for this iron-packed, vitamin rich leaf. Rich in Vitamin A, Vitamin C, calcium, and iron, spinach should be added to any salad you serve. If, like some people, you find spinach to be more earthy than sweet, try baby spinach (that really expensive stuff served by the leaf in pricey restaurants) for a more mitigated taste.

Swiss chard: chard is actually a type of beet that has been developed for its large yummy leaves and edible stalks instead of for its roots. It’s rich in vitamin K, vitamin C, and calcium and can be eaten raw or cooked in a stirfry.

As greens become cool (this is not just a nutrition enhancer, eating greens will soon be a fashion statement as well), more unusual varieties are cropping up.

Look for tot soi (a baby Asian green), mizuna, cress, garlic greens, Korean spinach, New Zealand spinach, purslane, trevisse, radicchio, brocolli rapini, and mâche.

You may take a shine to one of these greens, and your body (and your kids) will thank you.

7 Ways to be an Incredible Father

2010-08-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

There's a great post by Laura Egley Taylor, the art director at Mothering magazine, called 7 ways to be an incredible father.

Her top three:

#1: Love your children and let them know it.

#2: Be fair.

#3: Listen to your children.

Read the entire post post by clicking here.

Keeping Children Safe While Biking

2010-07-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

Summer is here, in full swelter. And your kids are outside biking. But do they know how to keep themselves safe?

Here's bike safety information to share with your children:

The eight best ways to keep yourself safe from cars while biking

1. Ride in the bike lane, not the sidewalk. Drivers don't look down the sidewalk for bikes, and they pull right into it when coming out of driveways.

2. When cars are parked on the right side of the street, watch out for opening doors. Ride three feet away from the cars: just imagine that all the cars' doors were all the way open, and ride so you won't hit them--that way they can't hit you!

3. When you are riding on a street with no bike lane, ride to the side but leave at least a couple feet of room between you and the curb. If the lane isn't wide enough for a car to pass you, ride right in the middle of the lane. Oregon law lets bikers use one whole lane when they need to. On Main St. in Ashland, for example, to stay away from the parked cars' opening doors, you have to ride in the middle of the lane. If you don't feel safe on a street like that, just walk your bike down the sidewalk to a better street.

4. Where cars are crossing your path at intersections or driveways, yield the right of way to them. Before you cross any place where a car can drive, slow down and get ready to stop if you have to, and look all ways: not just right and left, but in front and behind for cars turning into the crossing.

5. When you're in a bike lane, never pass a car on the right side of it: drivers don't look for you before they turn right, and may cut you off or turn right into you. When stopped at a light or stop sign, and there is a car on your left, don't start out into the intersection before you know if the car is turning right.

6. Make eye contact! When a driver is waiting to turn in front of you, look at their face and see if they are looking at you. If they are only looking the other way, don't cross in front of them.

7. Use lights on your bike whenever you are not in bright sunlight. Reflectors are not enough, though you should wear them and reflective clothing too. The more lights the better!

8. Drivers make mistakes, and they sometimes don't see bicyclists. Sometimes when you are riding, a driver will actually make a mistake and not do what you expect. It is not an if, it's a when, so you need to expect it. Always ride so that when a driver makes a mistake or doesn't see you, they can't hit you.

Recap:
1. Use the bike lane.
2. Steer clear of opening doors.
3. Ride 2 or 3 feet from the curb in a car lane; or in narrow lanes ride in the middle.
4. Wherever cars can cross your path, get ready to yield and look all ways.
5. Never pass cars on the right, not even at a stop.
6. Make eye contact.
7. Use lights.
8. Expect the worst from drivers, and ride so they can't hit you.

New Study Shows Primate Papas Use Infants to Enhance Their Clout

2010-06-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

In an article in the New York Times today Natalie Angier has a very interesting article about father-child bonds in the animal world.

The article mentions a new study in the Journal of Animal Behavior about the ways Barbary macaques parlay infant care into social clout among other males.

Angier writes:

[The authors of the study] describe how male Barbary macaques use infants as “costly social tools” for the express purpose of bonding with other males and strengthening their social clout. Want to befriend the local potentate? Bring a baby. Need to reinforce an existing male-male alliance, or repair a frayed one? Don’t forget the baby.

It doesn’t matter if the infant is yours or not. Just so long as it has the downy black fur and wrinkly pinkish face that adult male macaques find impossible to resist. “They will hold up the infant like a holy thing, nuzzling it, chattering their teeth,” Dr. Fischer said. “It can be a bit bewildering to see.”

Just in time for Father’s Day come this and other recent studies that reveal surprising, off-road or vaguely unsettling cases of Males Behaving Dadly — attending to the young with an avidity and particularity long thought to be the province of the mother.

Scientists have learned, for example, that the male pipefish — which, like his seahorse relatives, famously becomes pregnant and gives birth to live young — is both more generous and more calculatedly harsh toward his offspring than previously believed, able to fine-tune the flow of nutrients to his gestating babies depending on how he feels about their mother.

Read the entire article, Paternal Bonds, Special and Strange

A Dad Tells About His Daughter's Cerebral Palsy

2010-06-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

Cross-posted at Mothering.com. Click over there to see photos of Mark Wada and his family.

My name is Mark Wada, and my wife and I have a daughter with cerebral palsy.

The girl in that beautiful picture wearing the white dress is my daughter Rachel. Only now she’s 19 years old.

I would like to give you a glimpse into our world.

While every child rearing experience comes with its own set of challenges, joys, crises and successes, raising a child with a major developmental disability presents many issues most families will never experience.

Rachel was born on October 2nd, 1990 to a 15-year-old from southern Washington, who came to the emergency room of the hospital in the Dalles complaining of stomach pains.

She was shocked to find out that the stomach problems were because she was having a baby that day.

“This can’t be happening,” she said. “I have to take a test tomorrow.”

My wife and I were at a conference in Monterey, California when we first heard about Rachel’s birth. Rachel’s birth mother was considering putting the baby up for adoption, and she and her mother would let us know the next day. We had put the word out that we were interested in adopting and had just started the process to do so but had not yet signed up with an adoption agency. My wife’s sister was the nurse for the doctor who handled the delivery. She put in the word for us, and the birth mother and her mother decided that they were okay with that. Robin and I were playing golf the next day, and the hospital paged us on the first tee to tell us that the birth mother had decided to go ahead with the adoption and Rachel would be ours if we wanted her.

We finished that round of golf—I got my first eagle ever that day—and flew home the next day.

Since the birth mother had had no prenatal care, no one knew her due date. The doctors believe Rachel was born about 5 weeks early. Rachel was our first child, and since the adoption had happened so unexpectedly before we had even signed up with an adoption agency, we had no time to prepare for taking care of a baby. I’ll confess that I felt so ill prepared for the adoption that at the San Francisco airport, I was looking to see if there was a good book on parenting.

We had no baby room, no baby clothes, no crib, no bassinette. We got back to Portland, Oregon, where we live, and spent one day getting some things together. Then we drove to the Dalles to bring Rachel home.

When we drove back to West Linn, I commented to my wife that I have more documents when I rent a car than when we brought Rachel home.

Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy (CP)

Rachel was a very colicky baby. We survived on a few hours of sleep as we tried different techniques to get her to quiet down. Rachel was a difficult baby, and she would cry and fuss literally for hours. We tried every trick in the book to console her. I would find myself dripping wet with sweat trying to calm her down after hours of crying. I will never forget when Robin came in the bedroom at 4 a.m. one morning, dropped Rachel on the bed and said “if you don’t take this baby, I’m going to kill her.” I woke up right away and took over. Those were crazy years for us, because I was the managing partner of my law firm with a busy practice and I think I lived on about four hours of sleep for a year or so. We adopted our second daughter 10 months after Rachel was born, so it felt like we had twins. Robin and I both felt that as older parents, we were maybe better able to deal with a difficult baby than we would have been in our early 20’s. I was 37 when Rachel was born and Robin was 33. I think Rachel’s muscle spasticity greatly contributed to her difficulties as a baby.

Our first pediatrician was recommended by friends. He had a very busy and successful practice. But as we noticed things that caused us concern, the pediatrician examined Rachel and would give us a stock speech about how first-time parents worry about things that he would chalk up to normal differences in the rate of development of babies.

When Rachel was about six months old, Robin was fed up with the pediatrician and decided to have Rachel checked by a pediatric ophthalmologist.

She examined Rachel and said that she was blind and recommended an MRI.

When they showed the MRI to me, my wife says I went white. It showed that nearly 30 percent of Rachel’s brain had been damaged.

The most likely cause, they told us, was that the umbilical cord had gotten twisted when Rachel was a fetus, and the lack of oxygen to the brain caused this level of damage.

Doctors can tell you generally that damage to certain areas of the brain may affect speech, muscle control and other functions. Unfortunately, they can’t tell you much more than that.

Since the areas of brain damage and the extent of the damage will vary from child to child, there is no roadmap for parents to indicate what to expect. One physical therapist told me that Rachel’s body functions normally, it is just that the signals from the brain are totally messed up.

Rachel has what I understand to be a fairly high level of disability. In one of her schools, the principal told us she was the most disabled child they had ever had. Rachel is not completely blind. She can see things that are put close to her eyes and she likely has better peripheral vision. She can only say anywhere from 10 to 20 words, but it is clear that she understands more than she can verbalize. We communicate with her largely by asking yes or no questions. While Rachel has an augmentative communication device, she uses it only sporadically.

The level of muscle spasticity varies with kids with CP. In Rachel’s case, she has spastic quadriplegia, which means that she has very tight muscles affecting her legs and arms. We dress her, shower her and transfer her to and from her bed and other equipment. We built a handicap accessible house about 16 years ago that has a lift system to get her to and from the bed. We still try to get Rachel to eat solid food, even though she hardly chews any of it. This means that we have to cut it up in very small pieces, and feeding her can take up to an hour for each meal.

Rachel is in a manual wheelchair full time. We did try her out in an electric wheelchair a couple of times, but putting a nearly blind child behind the controls of an electric wheelchair … did not turn out to be a good idea.

As you might imagine, Rachel has a myriad of medical issues. She has had 12 surgeries, ranging from some fairly simple ones to more difficult ones. Her spasticity probably played a part in her scoliosis that caused her vertebrae to be curved to almost 90 degrees. She had scoliosis surgery to straighten her vertebrae and put in two metal rods to keep them straight. Her hip was being pulled out of the socket, so she had a major surgery in which a bone was grafted to the socket to keep the hip from going all of the way out of the socket. Rachel was one of the first kids in Oregon to get a baclofen pump (about the size of a hockey puck) put in her stomach to pump a muscle relaxant into her spine. We have to get that pump filled with baclofen every couple of months and replace the pump every four to five years. Before getting the baclofen pump, she would be up in the middle of the night quite often with muscle spasms in her legs. She also has seizures and has taken seizure medication most of her life.

Rachel is more than her diagnosis

Let me tell you about Rachel as a person. She is a beautiful young lady, with a spirit that draws people to her. She has finished high school and is attending a post-high school program in Wilsonville three days a week for three years.

She does not like to just sit around the house and watch TV or movies or listen to music, although those are favorite activities of hers. She wants to go out to lunch, go shopping at the mall or go to the movies or a concert.

When she doesn’t get what she wants, she has a bad habit of screaming. My nickname for her is “beautiful screamer.” This can happen when she leaves the shopping mall (because she doesn’t want to go) or if she doesn’t like the movie that she’s watching. She also sometimes screams when she is really happy, so when she gets out of the shower and we put her on her bed, she will often scream out of what seems to be pure joy for a minute or two. Fortunately our neighbors have not called DHS when they hear this coming out of our house.

I think her screaming has been helpful to her, as many kids with CP are prone to respiratory problems. Sometimes the screaming is a blessing, although not when we want to leave the mall.

She is a loving child, and it is an unconditional love. She is Daddy’s girl around our house. For many years, when I would get home from work, she would scream “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” and would practically jump out of her wheelchair until I would give her a hug. She would then laugh with a very infectious laugh and smash my face against hers. I think she has more different laughs than anyone else I know. And her hugs, I call them “smash face hugs” and one day I swear she is going to break my cheekbones.

At those moments, I tell her that I am the luckiest father in the world.

I think about how much she has had to endure and yet she is always able to greet me with a smile that lights up a room. No child should have to go through what Rachel has and will go through, but she faces each day with grace, a good attitude and patience (except when she screams, of course).

But the real unsung hero in all of this is my wife, Robin. I could not have asked for a better life partner for this undertaking. Robin is a Rachel believer and advocate. She is the primary caregiver for Rachel who stays by her side night and day when she is in the hospital.

What about the future?

There are many challenges that lie ahead for us. Will we be taking care of Rachel for the rest of our lives until we cannot physically do it anymore? While that is not a good option for Rachel or for us, I can tell you that we will have mixed feelings when she moves out, because there will be a huge void in our lives when Rachel no longer lives with us.

I wonder how will she spend her days, since it seems unlikely that she will ever be able to work. How do you give her opportunities to have a full and fulfilling life and what does that mean for her?

My family is fortunate, even blessed, that we have some resources to do things for our daughter and plan for her future. But even with those resources, you need help. You need an organization like United Cerebral Palsy (UCP) to help you and guide you through the process, because the choices are not clear ones and there are times when we are plowing new ground.

UCP has referred us to doctors and therapists and helped us understand Rachel’s condition. We’ve looked to UCP for assistance with estate planning issues and with dealing with challenges in the schools. Someone from UCP met with a group of us to talk about living situations for our kids. Given the level of Rachel’s medical and caregiver needs, a nursing home with elderly residents may be one option, but UCP is helping us explore more palatable options.

Raising a daughter with a major disability has opened my eyes. At times when I’m pushing Rachel’s wheelchair, I see the looks in people’s eyes, as though I have ET in the chair. I have seen people at their best and their worst. We have a long way to go in this country to look beyond what we see on the surface. I have learned so much about diversity issues because of Rachel. Take anyone you know, put him or her in a wheelchair, and that person would instantly be viewed by many in this world as less competent, less intelligent and more difficult to hire, train and employ. That needs to change.

As my wife would say, people like Rachel are not disabled people, they are people with a disability.

Thank you for reading this post and letting me share my daughter’s story with you.

Potty matches the dress

2010-05-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

Many parents today are re-inventing parenting, exploring other ways to do things, and we are no exception. This go-around we are trying out Elimination Communication, in which you attempt to go diaper-free by paying attention to when your baby needs to go, and giving them an opportunity to go over the potty (or the grass...or your lap if you miss the cue). It's like potty training but for parents: it's YOU who gets trained to know when they need to go--they don't have to do anything. We were skeptical but interested.

Since trying it, we have been amazed at how often babies start squirming 30 seconds before they pee. I've been wondering how often our three other children were fussing inexplicably when they just needed to pee. It's pretty clear now that she doesn't like to wet her diaper (we use cloth, and though it cuts down on our laundry, we are far from diaper-free).

All those times I have wondered what was going on with a fussing baby, I've had the question: is there a reason, or is she just feeling fussy? Sometimes it's probably just fussy time, but the more I learn, the more fussing turns out to have a very good reason that I just couldn't understand.

Bonding As They're Growing Up Too

2010-03-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

There's a gorgeous article that appeared in last week's Fashion & Style section of the New York Times about a dad who read to his daughter every night, night after night, without fail, from the time she was in fourth grade until the day she left for college.

Here's an excerpt:

When The Streak reached 100, they celebrated with a pancake breakfast, and Kristen whispered, “I think we should try for 1,000 nights.”

Mr. Brozina was delighted, but what he was thinking was, a thousand nights?! “I thought, we’ll never do it,” he recalled. “And then we got to 1,000, and we said, ‘How can we stop?’ ”

For 3,218 nights (and some mornings, if Mr. Brozina was coming home too late to read), The Streak went on. It progressed from James Marshall’s picture books about George and Martha (two close friends who happen to be hippos) to middle-school classics like “When Zachary Beaver Came to Town” to the 14 Oz books (which they read four times each), to Harry Potter, Agatha Christie, Dickens and Shakespeare, continuing on, until Kristen’s first day of college.

In those nine-plus years, they survived many close calls. When Kristen was still in elementary school, her father and older sister went to Washington. “The phone rings at 10:45 at the hotel and it’s Kristen,” Mr. Brozina recalled. “She says, ‘Dad, we forgot The Streak!’ Fortunately, I always travel with several books and we read right then and there.”

Click here to read the full article, which is called "A Father-Daughter Bond, Page by Page."

Love, Sex, and the Male Brain

2010-03-25T21:30:00.001-07:00

There's a great opinion piece on CNN.com about how male brains are wired, how they respond to testosterone, and how women often misinterpret men because their brains work differently.

For our Daddy-Baby bonding purposes, the most important part of the piece is in the middle. The author, Louann Brizendine, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco and founder and director of the Women's Mood and Hormone Clinic, writes:

The 'Doting Daddy Brain'
A man in hot pursuit of a mate doesn't even remotely resemble a devoted, doting daddy. But that's what his future holds. When his mate becomes pregnant, she'll emit pheromones that will waft into his nostrils, stimulating his brain to make more of a hormone called prolactin. Her pheromones will also cause his testosterone production to drop by 30 percent.

These hormonal changes make him more likely to help with the baby. They also change his perceptual circuitry, increasing his ability to hear a baby cry, something many men can't do very well before their wives are pregnant.

And a word to the wise for all the young mothers who are reluctant to let your husbands hold and care for your newborn. The more hands-on care a father gives his infant, the more his brain aligns with the role of fatherhood. So, hand over the baby. (Emphasis ours).

Dads Can Do EC Too!

2010-03-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

EC = Elimination Communication.

The basic idea is this: a human baby is born with the instinct not to soil the nest, just like other primates and almost all mammals.

But in America we've lost the ability to recognize and respond to when a baby needs to pee or poop.

A very small group of moms and dads, however, have gone back to a more natural way of parenting and are responding to their baby's signals and taking them to the potty.

It's truly amazing. Some people call it being "diaper free." But whether your baby is diaper-free or not isn't the point. The point is to communicate with your baby, listen to his or her signals, and also help him or her recognize the need to eliminate.

Interested?

Here are some places you can read more about the concept of elimination communication:

An Interview With Infant Pottying Expert Christine Gross-Loh

Misses and Catches

The Incredible Pooping Baby

Angry? It May Not Be So Good For Your Health

2010-02-26T04:19:00.000-08:00

“Sorry I’m late,” apologized the manager of a local furniture store who rushed in at 9:15 a.m., a plastic pharmacy bag dangling from her wrist. “I had to stop at the drugstore,” she explained, gesturing to the bag.

“Sick?” The customer asked.

“No,” she rasped. “I was screaming so loudly at my kids this morning that I lost my voice.”

Anger. Rage. Fury. Ire. Wrath. Spleen. Petulance.

The English language has dozens of words to describe an emotion that all of us feel keenly, whether we express it or not.

We all get angry—whether it is at our kids, or at the driver who cut us off at the stop light, or at our boss, or at our editor.

But is anger good for you? Does anger have any health benefits? To lead a healthy life is it better to express anger or suppress it?

There is an abundance of recent health studies that suggest that anger is not good for your health.

For example, one University of North Carolina study, published in the medical journal, The Lancet, showed that men and women who possessed the most anger traits were as much as seven times more likely to develop coronary heart disease.

Another study of anger management in 54 married couples conducted by Dr. Sybil Carrère, Ph.D., similarly found that women who could not control their anger, or who got angry more frequently than they would have liked, had feelings of dissatisfaction in their marriages, higher heart beats, and more trouble decompressing physically after a bout of anger. According to Dr. Carrère, this evidence suggests that women’s cardiovascular health could be jeopardized by frequent anger.

“I just feel clenched,” explains 28-year-old Natasha Pangburn of Eugene, Oregon, who stops talking and feels herself “shutting off” when she gets angry. “If I’m really angry I just turn off. I get this tight feeling. I feel like people don’t understand me no matter how hard I try.”

Pangburn, who has been trying to find ways to express her anger more overtly, believes that anger is harmful and makes intimate relationships strained. “It creates a divide between me and other people."

Kristen Bernard, an obstetric nurse at Brattleboro Memorial Hospital in Vermont, agrees that bottling up anger is not good for you.

“Anger goes along with a whole cycle of health issues,” says Bernard. “I have one client who is angry and has irritable bowel syndrome. This person is getting bleeding ulcers from the tension the anger creates.”

Bernard believes that people need to be encouraged to resolve their anger in order to help them lead healthier lives: “As a health care practitioner, that is one of the first things I focus on—what are you angry about? How can I help you with it? It is my number one priority.”

According to Joni Cohen-Mitchell, Director of the Brick House in Turners Falls, Massachusetts, there are many ways to help people resolve conflicts and diffuse anger. The Brick House runs programs that help people learn to listen to others, to agree to disagree respectfully and then move on, to use humor to break the tension in an angry encounter, to write about their feelings as a way of recording and validating them, and to use “I” statements (“I feel angry,” “I get upset when...”) instead of being accusatory.

Although studies show that people who are angry more often than not—whether they express their anger or suppress it—are at higher risk for heart problems, the American Psychological Association (APA) advocates expressing anger in a controlled way.

According to a brochure published by the APA, “Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.”

According to Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., a world renown specialist on anger and author of the best-selling book, The Dance of Anger, anger is both a natural emotion and an emotion well worth paying attention to.

Dr. Lerner argues that anger can be productive, and that recurring anger can help a person become aware of a more serious underlying problem.

Lerner says anger should not be used as an excuse to blame other people. Instead, anger should be recognized as a signal that harmful behavior patterns need to be changed.

When men and women pay attention to their anger and use it as a starting point to change then anger, according to Dr. Lerner, is something for which we can be grateful.

Fathers in Britain Get Paid Paternity Leave

2010-01-29T17:17:00.000-08:00

Looks like it's time to expatriate.

According to a British newspaper, fathers in Great Britain will be entitled to up to six months of paternity leave, three months of which will be paid leave.

The new law is to enable women to go back to work sooner, while the dads stay home with the babies. After three months of paid leave, they can choose to spend another three months at home, unpaid.

A New American Born Every 14 Seconds

2010-01-20T15:53:00.000-08:00

Apparently a new American is born every 14 seconds.

And the population of the United States is high right now: 308 million people. Some of the population growth is due to immigration but mostly it's because of all the new babies.

The reporter who wrote about this in Philadelphia's Family Newspaper, The Bulletin, used a photo of Jennifer Margulis and James di Properzio (the co-authors of the Baby Bonding Book For Dads and the co-authors of this blog) to illustrate the story.

Here's the photograph:

The caption underneath it reads:

Jennifer Margulis and husband James di Properzio gaze at their newest daughter, Leone Francesca, at their home in Ashland, Ore. on Nov. 11. An increase in births pushed the U.S. population up about 1 percent this year to a projected 308,400,408 as of Jan. 1, 2010, a jump of 2,606,181, the U.S. Census Bureau said this week. (Jeff Barnard/Associated Press)

Holding Your Baby

2009-12-21T06:05:00.000-08:00

A lot of books -- and well-meaning family members and friends -- give you tips on how to put the baby down without waking him up, and there are dozens of contraptions (the bouncy chair, the crib, the cradle, the bassinet, the bucket car seat, the baby gym, the playpen, the stroller ... and more) you can buy to put a baby in.

But what if dads just hold their babies instead of putting them down?

Holding a baby close to you is good for the baby and good for you.

The time goes by so fast. Soon the baby will be wriggling off your lap. Then one day she'll be too big to carry. Hold her while you have the chance.

Don't Pay Someone Else to Raise Your Kids

2009-11-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

Cartoon copyright and courtesy of Andy Singer

Fathers and babies in the news

2009-11-20T09:40:00.001-08:00

There are two new posts over at Motherlode about fatherhood.

One that suggests that more fathers are wining custody battles in divorce settlements.

And another about the NYT Magazine cover story questioning how we define paternity.

ABC News published a story yesterday featuring James di Properzio and Jennifer Margulis and their homebirth without a midwife or doctor present two weeks ago. Here's an excerpt:

Margulis' husband James Di Properzio was not convinced at first. He was worried about the few births that do not go smoothly.

"I wanted to know what the contingency was, and how we were going to know when to go to the contingency," he said. Being a short drive from the hospital and having a midwife standing by to call helped, he said.

Jennifer went into labor the night before, and in the morning told di Properzio to take the kids, Hesperus, Athena and Etani, to school. When he came back, she got into the shower, where she stayed under a stream of warm water until she felt the urge to push. Di Properzio helped her into the bedroom, where she gave birth to a healthy girl — Leone Francesca — who di Properzio caught.

"Once the baby was out she was asking if it was OK," James said. "I felt completely calm and confident. I was chuckling and laughing with joy as the baby's head was coming out and not concerned at all."

Jennifer said it was one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life.

"And I am still in awe of the fact I am here to tell you about it," she said. "Once she was born, we were both laughing. We were laughing and crying at the same time. I said, `We actually did it. we did it ourselves.'"

New Blog at Mothering.com

2009-11-03T04:43:00.000-08:00

BBBD's co-author Jennifer Margulis has a brand new gig blogging for Mothering.com.

The blog is called MOTHERING OUTSIDE THE LINES. Here's a list of the posts so far:

The Waiting Game

Liberated From Prenatal "Care"

Beware of the Pregnant Jail Breaker

Don't Eat My Broccoli

The American Prejudice Against Large Families

People's Reactions When I Tell Them That I'm Pregnant

And You Thought YOUR Belly Was Big

On Being Pregnant For (Probably) The Last Time

Another Reason Not To Feed Your Baby Out of a Jar or a Plastic Bag

2009-11-02T11:14:00.001-08:00

Plum Organics, a company based in California, has recalled "portable pouches" of its baby food because of a fear of contamination with botulism.

If you have apple or carrot portable pouches with a best by date of May 21, 2010, they may be spoiled.

This "food" was sold through megastores like Toys-R-Us.

Get more information about the recall by calling 888-974-3555 or by e-mailing info[at]plumorganics.com.

A letter to parents (in PDF form) from the company can be found here.

While it's good to see organic food going mainstream, babies (like grown-ups) need to eat their food freshly prepared. Buying products that have been highly processed and heated and have been sitting in plastic for months on a shelf is not a good choice for your baby.

Take Your Kids to LEGOLAND for Halloween Fun

2009-10-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Legoland goes all out for Halloween. They have spooky Lego creations and a trick-or-treat path for kids. If you've never been there and you're looking for something fun to do with your kids, consider going.

Here's an article Jennifer Margulis wrote about LEGOLAND for the Ashland Daily Tidings:

“This is the best day of my life!” Victoria Hilden’s 7-year-old daughter Hannah told her mom while they were at Legoland in San Diego.

Hannah and her 4-year-old brother Fisher, like hundreds of other Ashland children who have been lucky enough to go there, love Legoland. “What was the best for me was that we could say ‘yes’ all day long,” says Victoria. “It was their day from ten to five and I loved that they could make all the decisions.”

Legoland?

If you’re just hearing of it for the first time, you may be wondering exactly what it is. An amusement park specifically geared towards children ages 2-12, Legoland is an amazing place filled with life-sized creations made from … you guessed it, Legos.

As you walk around the park, you see Lego dinosaurs, Lego moms pushing Lego children in prams, Lego sharks, Lego pirates, Lego You Name It. A feat of creativity and engineering, these Lego creations are astounding to adults and to children.The rides are fun too.

Wildfires aside, San Diego has near perfect weather and is a wonderful place to take children—with its beaches, museums, Balboa Park, world famous zoo, palm trees, seafood restaurants, and whatnot. Better yet, if you’re willing to drive from Ashland to Sacramento (which takes a little more than four hours), you can get Web deals from Southwest Airlines to San Diego for as little as $49.00 round trip.

The downside to trips to San Diego? America’s Finest City is not a well-kept secret and people from around in the world will be with you when you’re there, even in the off-season.

To beat the crowds at Legoland, try to go on a weekday and get there the minute the park opens and stay as long as you can (even once the rides are closed you’ll enjoy looking at the Lego sculptures). Eat lunch early or late, and go on rides at noon when everyone else is getting hungry. “Summertime the best days to come are Tuesdays and Wednesdays,” says Julie Estrada, Legoland spokesperson. “During the fall and winter we’re closed on Tuesdays and Wednesday so Fridays are the best day to come. Parents usually take a Monday off as opposed to a Friday so Fridays the park’s a little less crowded.”

Splash Battle—a ride where you can spray other boats with sprayers from yours—is a favorite with every age group, as is the Driving School. Sponsored by Volvo (Legos are Danish made), this ride lets children ages 6-12 take a “driving test” in real mini cars. There’s a junior driving school for toddlers, ages 3-5 as well. Children have to follow red and green lights (watch out!) and traffic signs. At the end of the “test” they get a license.The roller coasters are also popular. Estrada calls these “pink knuckle” attractions because they’re not too scary. There’s the Technic Coaster, which has a four-story drop (get there early to avoid lines), and The Dragon, a coaster which first takes you through a dark indoor scene of knights, dragons, and loot and then boom! onto a wilder outdoor coaster ride.

In the excitement of shows and rides, it’s easy to miss Miniland USA but you should spend some time checking it out. There you’ll see San Francisco cable cars, 19th century Victorian houses, the Southern California coastline, and Las Vegas casinos made out of Legos (20 million Legos to be exact).

“Another great thing was the Lego bulk bins in one of the stores,” Victoria Hilden says. “I’m frustrated with the lack of standard Legos available in toy stores today. All you can find are sets and they’re all geared towards boys. We let the kids pick and chose their own colors and sizes—the big score was the little clear window pieces!”

Know Before You Go
Located in Carlsbad, about 40 minutes from downtown San Diego.
Tel: 760-918-5346 Web Site: http://www.legoland.com/california.htm
Parking: $10. Tickets: $80 for adults and $68 for children. Get discounts from hotels and combo packages.
Avoid lines by buying tickets on line. Looking for other cool things to do this Halloween? Check out A Traveler's Library's spookiest place in America and her round-up of other Halloween activities.

Help Your Wife Tie Her Shoes

2009-10-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

There are lots of ways for fathers to be involved in pregnancy. The more you bond with your wife, the closer you'll feel to your new baby once he or she is born.

New Doula in Ashland, Oregon

2009-10-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

Our friend, Jenny Johnson, has started a doula service in Ashland, Oregon, for pregnant couples looking for a kind and calm birth attendant to be with them during labor.

Here's her announcement:

I am excited to announce that I am now offering my services as a birth doula in the Rogue Valley! After learning and studying as an apprentice with homebirth midwives, giving birth to my four children, and completing the Doulas of North America training workshop, I am ready to serve my community in this capacity.

I offer emotional and physical support throughout the childbearing year. My services include prenatal meetings, continuous support throughout labor and birth, and postpartum visits as well.

I share information with clients about various topics relating to pregnancy, birth and the care of new babies.

Jenny Johnson
sistermoon@ashlandhome.net
(541) 482-6064

Musings of a Happy SAHD

2009-10-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

This guest post is written by Robb Peck, an avid letterboxer in Vancouver, Washington, and a stay-at-home dad. Read more about his family at Out & About w/ Happy SAHD

Musings of a Happy SAHD (as in Stay At Home Dad)

I started being home not long after our second child turned a year old and I lost my job, catapulting our family into a new place. Like millions of other Americans who have had this happen, I felt a bit betrayed and more than a little dismayed. I had spent better than half of my life training and practicing my profession, and suddenly I was no longer in charge. It was hard to shake that off and get going on looking for a new job while helping out around the house.

At first, I resisted the whole “Mr. Mom” thing. Sure, I would get the kids up and fed, do some cooking (more chances to use the grill!), and tidy up the house, but I was still in charge of the 'big' things – the cars, the yard, maintenance & repairs, etc. After all, I was still looking for a job, and my focus had to be on that. But, as life would have it, my wife and I ended up in a complete role reversal when she rather quickly found a great full-time job that paid better than mine.

We had a hard choice to make: If she kept her job and I eventually found one, we would have no one at home, and our kids raised in daycare – a choice we had long ago decided not to make. And it kind-of made sense: I had spent the better part of my life training to become a teacher, with 13 years of experience in the classroom – why not stay home and raise our kids?
So I've been a SAHD through the "terrible twos," potty training and preschool to now kindergarten and the wonders of the 5-yr-old "why" with our son, and from kindergarten and favorite 'dollies' through scouts and sleepovers with our 8-yr-old (going on 18-yr-old) daughter.

I've been the kids' social director for play-dates, birthday parties, summer camps, and sports.

I've gotten to do things many fathers miss: celebrate the first time my boy used the 'big potty'; spend an afternoon playing pirates on the playground, build massive 'forts' out of all the chairs and every blanket in the house (and then have it all put away before mommy comes home!); see my children grasp the concept of phonics and read something brand new; or hold my daughter after school the first time another girl made fun of her clothes and crushed her ego. I also get to do amazing things like chaperone field trips to the pumpkin patch, help out in my kids' classrooms, and take my kids after school to volunteer down at the homeless shelter.It's different, however, being a SAHD.

Most moms wear it as a badge of honor if they are a SAHM: they are sacrificing their 'working life' to spend the quality time it takes to raise kids right, and be there for them.

But many of these same SAHMs treat a SAHD as if there must be something wrong with you, as if it’s not okay for a man to stay at home and let his wife go earn the paycheck. I've experienced the strange, guarded looks from the mommies at the park and the children's museum. I've actually seen mommies guide their little ones to the other side of the playground when I was playing with my son on the slide or swing. And I've had play-dates turned down because only I—not my wife—would be home to supervise.

Oddly enough, even though I'm there with my kids – just like them – it takes a bit for some to realize that I'm not out 'cruising' to pick up moms, or stalking their kids. Once I got past the stares and snubs, several of the SAHMs have become good friends, with us trading off watching each other's kids now & then.

Some working fathers aren't exactly sure how to treat a SAHD either, especially when I might spend an afternoon at their house – or their wife might spend an afternoon at our house – while our kids are playing. One thing that seems to help a lot is to invite the whole family over for dinner one evening so everyone gets to know each other a bit better first. (And yes, I do the cooking. If you're passing through town some time, we'll have you over. I make a mean stir-fry and pot roast, and have become a bit of an expert with homemade breads - especially pizza crust. I even cook once a month at our church for about 100 people or so...) Then there are the friends who can't imagine that you actually like being a SAHD. Again, there's the perception that there must be something wrong with me since I've stopped looking for a job. I've had the ex-coworkers ask about when I was going back to the classroom. And I've fielded calls on my cell phone from my old buddies 'ribbing' me about being "Mr. Mom." Of course, I was playing with my kids at the zoo when they called!

Though a lot of my new ‘job’ is fantastic, it's not all fun and games. When a kid is burning up with a fever, or puking their guts out, my wife heads off to work and I get the 'pleasure' of dealing with it. I've picked up a lot more of the housework, of course, but I still take care of the cars, yard, maintenance, repairs, etc. I also do the bulk of the laundry (kids' clothes, sheets, towels, etc. - my wife prefers to wash her work clothes herself), the shopping (which is really fun with a 3-yr-old), and most of the errands.

All-in-all, it's wonderful being a SAHD - with an incredible, intense time to really bond and get to know and help shape your kids - and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

A lot of our society looks at mommies who stay home as almost 2nd-class citizens. Yet, I've learned the real secret – they have the best job in the world!

Ashland, Oregon Resources for Pregnant Women Who Want to Stay Fit

2009-10-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

A front page article in yesterday's Tidings, written by co-author Jennifer Margulis, lists the many ways pregnant women can stay fit in Ashland, Oregon.

Here's an excerpt from the article:

A new study conducted by researchers in Norway has discovered yet another benefit to exercise for pregnant women: In addition to keeping moms-to-be healthy, exercising while pregnant also helps keeps down the birth weight of the newborn.

The study, published in the October issue of "Obstetrics & Gynecology," tracked the outcomes of over 35,000 singleton births in Norway and found that regular exercise — at least three times a week — reduces the chances of giving birth to an excessively big baby by 23-28 percent.

Too-big babies (the scientific name for this is "fetal macrosomia") have been linked to increases in birth complications, including post-partum hemorrhages, C-sections, and low Apgar scores.

Although the authors of the study report that fetal macrosomia seems to be on the rise and that the numbers of pregnant women who exercise regularly are on the decline, that does not seem to be the case in Ashland. where it is common to see pregnant women bicycling, walking, swimming, and doing yoga.

"Women who get plenty of exercise during pregnancy benefit in innumerable ways," said Sheryl Grunde, owner of www.honoringthemother.com, who teaches prenatal and postnatal yoga classes in Ashland. Grunde, 33, also offers pay-what-you-can massage for pregnant women and works as a doula (a trained birth assistant) at Ashland Community Hospital.

"Healthy, regular metabolism, a strong heart and low blood pressure, and the ability to breathe deeply are some benefits to exercise that come to mind," Grunde said.

The list of Ashland, Oregon resources at the bottom of the article are as follows:

**Prenatal yoga classes cost $12 (less for a punch card) and take place on at the Ashland Yoga Center (at Fourth and A streets) Wednesdays from 6 to 7:15 p.m. Contact instructor Sheryl Grunde at 541-951-7474 or sheryl@honoringthemother.com for more information. Grunde also teaches postpartum mom and baby yoga classes at The Studio at Fourth and B streets on Mondays at 10:45 a.m. Participants must pre-register for this six-week class. Focus is on core strength, stretching, and baby play.

**Prenatal swim classes at the Ashland YMCA, free for members or $10 (for a guest pass to the Y), are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 5 to 6 p.m. Contact the YMCA at 482-9622 for more information.

**Ashland Community Hospital offers an early pregnancy class ($10), a prenatal yoga class ($10), a four-week basic childbirth education series ($50, which includes a book), waterbirth and doulas class, breastfeeding, and a four-week monthly infant massage class, as well as a free one-day class for siblings-to-be and a free new parents group that meets Wednesdays from 1 to 3 p.m. For more information call the birth center at 201-4210.

Dads Experience Postpartum Depression Too

2009-10-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

Since Brooke Shields came out of the closet about her struggle with depression in her book, Down Came the Rain, after her daughter was born, it seems like more people in America are attuned to the fact that many, many women suffer from postpartum depression (PPD).

Most studies about postpartum depression focus on the mother's experience, including this new one by researchers in Spain, but it's important to remember that dads can get depressed after a baby is born as well as moms.

Here's a description of what one man who suffered from PPD went through (from an article in US News & World Report):

The birth of John Hyman's first child didn't fill him with the joy he might have hoped for. Far from treasuring every minute with his son, the Rockville, Md., college writing instructor reacted by teaching more courses just to get himself out of the house. "I didn't know what my role was there," recalls Hyman, now 51. His wife, by contrast, bonded instantly with their son, Jake, now a teenager. "Betsy fell in love. It was primal," he says. "I didn't have that experience. I thought I was broken. I remember thinking this was a dirty little secret I would have to deal with."

As much as 10 percent of new dads are affected by PPD, which can strike any time in the first year of a child's like.

According to the recent study of postpartum women only by researchers at the Polytechnic University of Valencia, there are ways to predict women who are at risk for postpartum depression. These include:

1. Lack of social networks and support
2. History of previous depression or psychiatric difficulties in the family
3. An emotionally or physically difficult birth or complications at birth

The researchers also point out two protective factors that make it less likely for women to experience postpartum depression:

1. Age of the mom: older moms are less likely to suffer than younger moms
2. Working during pregnancy: moms who work while pregnant tend to suffer less depression than moms who do not

We wonder what all this means for dads?

If you are feeling depressed or displaced after the birth of your baby, it's important to know that that feeling is normal and temporary and that your experience is nothing to be ashamed of.

The best thing you can do to combat those negative feelings is to talk about them--probably not with your wife--and to find other dads who can understand what you are going through and offer you support. Talking to a social worker or a psychologist can also help. Joining or even starting a dads' group and visiting on-line support groups for dads will make you feel less alone. Finding ways to be involved with your baby, right from the start, can also make you feel better and more connected to your family.

Home Birth Just as Safe or Safer Than Hospital Birth

2009-09-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

A new study by Canadian researchers published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal (CMAJ) concludes that planned home births with a midwife in attendance have comparable or better outcomes than hospital births in Canada.

The researchers explain:

"Planned home birth attended by a registered midwife was associated with very low and comparable rates of perinatal death and reduced rates of obstetric interventions and other adverse perinatal outcomes compared with planned hospital birth attended by a midwife or physician."

Canadian families who chose to give birth at home suffered from fewer iatrogenic complications, according to the study which compared data from over 2,500 births in British Columbia. Women birthing at home were less likely to experience:

-Electronic fetal monitoring
-C-section
-Episiotomy
-Augmentation of labor (this is a fancy way of saying drug-induced labor, which can be very painful and have other negative consequences)
-Assisted vaginal delivery

Better for the Mother, Better for the Baby

The researchers write: "Compared with women who planned a midwife-attended hospital birth, those who planned a home birth were less likely to have a newborn who had birth trauma, required resuscitation at birth, or required oxygen therapy beyond 24 hours."

You can read the entire study here.

So should you consider a home birth? Yes. Even the most conservative birth advisors will tell an expectant couple to labor at home for as long as possible to avoid unnecessary complications at the hospital. Ina May Gaskin, perhaps the most famous midwife in America, estimates that the first stage of labor (that is, before pushing) usually takes at least 15 hours but in a hospital women are rushed, stressed out, and on a time line. They are told their bodies are inadequate or they are having "failure to progress," even though normal, healthy labors can take three or four days and this kind of negative feedback can discourage a laboring woman and make her doubt herself and her body's ability to birth. If an animal in nature is laboring and senses a predator (comparable to a discouraging doctor in a hospital), her labor will stop. In America, the more a doctor intervenes, the more money the hospital makes. How can we trust people who have a vested monetary interest in medicalizing labor to make the right decisions?

Birth is a natural process that women have been doing successfully (out of the hospital) for thousands of years.

The safest thing you can do for your wife, yourself, and your baby is stay home.

Cup of Comfort looking for couples essays

2009-09-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

A call for submissions from writer moms and dads to write about being in a couple. You can read more about it at their Website but here it is for any readers who have a loving vibe going on and want to try their hand at getting published:

A Cup of Comfort® for Couples:
Stories that celebrate what it means to be in love

It is said that love works in mysterious ways. And this anthology will reveal the many mysteries as well as the inner workings of true love. Of course, being a "happy couple" involves more than being in love, and making a romantic relationship work takes more than romance. So this book will feature uplifting true stories with a balanced mix of tones—romantic, poignant, humorous—and on a wide range of topics: From falling in love to the secrets of lasting love. From celebrating special moments between you to overcoming bumps in your relationship. From experiences that brought you closer together to experiences that threatened to tear you apart. From endearing rituals to challenging changes. From sparkling new love to glorious golden love. Or any other topic that speaks to the joys, the challenges, and/or the nature of a romantic partnership that works for you. Narrative essays preferred. Story Length: 1000–2000 words.

Deadline: October 20, 2009

Don't Cut Off Your Newborn's Penis

2009-09-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

This op-ed ran in the Ashland Daily Tidings a few weeks ago. Our stance on circumcision is definitive: it's an unnecessary procedure that has no proven medical benefits and it is not something any dad should decide to do to his newborn. If a boy wants to decide to cut off his foreskin as a sexually active adult, we should leave that decision up to him.

Keep America's baby boys intact
By Jennifer Margulis
Guest opinion
August 26, 2009

On Tuesday the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention held a meeting in Atlanta as part of a four-day conference on HIV prevention to discuss how to urge non-circumcising communities in American to circumcise. At the same time, the American Academy of Pediatrics, which has long remained neutral on the subject, is currently revising its guidelines in favor of circumcision. Growing up Jewish in America, I never questioned circumcision. But now, after having children and seeing how grown men in my life continue to suffer psychologically because of a procedure done to them as infants, I've come to believe that circumcision is not only unnecessary, it's a painful and traumatizing procedure that should not be done in infancy, if at all.

Deciding whether to circumcise is a decision that every American parent of a boy faces, though the majority simply choose to follow the doctor or hospital's recommendation.

According to an Aug. 24 article in the New York Times, approximately 79 percent of all adult American males are circumcised. According to Intact America, a nonprofit organization trying to stop routine circumcision in America, circumcision is the most common surgery performed in America and it happens to more than 1 million newborns a year, more than 3,000 times a day, or once every 26 seconds.

Before my brother Zach's wife gave birth to their third child, I started receiving frantic emails from a 28-year-old male relative whom I'll call J. "Do you know if they are planning to circumcise?" J. wrote me. "Could you find out about it? Could you tell them not to? Could you talk to them?" As the due date approached, the messages become increasingly desperate, as if J. felt that circumcision were a matter of life and death. At the same time, J. was ashamed for being so worried. He asked not to tell anyone that he was inquiring; he said he felt embarrassed and couldn't talk to my brother directly. He begged me not to mention to his mother, especially, how worried he felt about Zach's baby.

J. himself is circumcised. Circumcision is part of my family's cultural heritage. All of my relatives, including my father, my uncles and my grandfathers, have been circumcised. In the Bible, God actually commands Abraham to circumcise his male descendants. Practicing Jews hold what is usually a festive ceremony, called a bris, on the eighth day of a boy's life during which his foreskin is removed either by a doctor or a mohel, a rabbi trained in circumcision. Even in countries where circumcision is not the a norm, the majority of Jews choose to circumcise.

Yet it is not for traditional reasons that health officials want to see an upswing in American circumcisions. Recent health studies in Africa suggest that circumcised heterosexual men are less likely to get an HIV infection than their non-circumcised counterparts. Circumcision proponents also argue that urinary tract infections are less likely among circumcised men, and that it is necessary for cleanliness. They discount the pain involved in the procedure and argue that it creates no lasting damage.

Those in favor of circumcision for medical reasons are wrong. First of all, the procedure is painful, even with the administration of anesthesia. Anyone who has ever witnessed a circumcision (you can watch one on the internet if you don't believe me) and heard the high-pitched scream of a newborn having the tip of his penis cut off knows that this surgery causes terrible pain. For the week that the cut is healing, a baby is peeing and defecating on a raw, open wound. Circumcision is also dangerous. Just this past March a jury in Atlanta awarded $1.8 million in damages to a boy's parents after a seriously botched circumcision.

It's also a procedure that causes lasting regret in some grown men. J. feels so badly about being circumcised that he is on a campaign to stop all of us having children from circumcising. Other men I know wish their parents gave them the option to choose instead of forcing them to undergo a painful procedure as one of their earliest life experiences. If there really is a correlation between circumcision and HIV prevention, then we should let adult men choose to have the procedure done once they are sexually active.

My brother's baby turned out to be a girl. But my own son is not circumcised and if the baby I am carrying now, due in October, is a boy he will not be either. Forced circumcision of newborns is wrong. Let's not impose trauma on newborns and instead give adult men the right to choose.

Jennifer Margulis is a professional writer and the co-author of "The Baby Bonding Book For Dads." Read more about her at www.jennifermargulis.net.

When a Newborn is in the NICU

2009-09-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

It's daunting for anyone who is not part of a hospital staff to walk into a NICU -- the intensive care unit of the hospital for newborn babies. First there is the protocol of having your identity checked and then the ritual of hand washing (usually 1-2 minutes with warm water and antibacterial soap).

Then there's the place itself: little tiny preemies and other sick babies in incubators attached to machines that fire off statistics about their vital signs. Bells are always chiming and these horrible alarms start ringing when a baby stops breathing or shows other signs of distress. The exhausted doctors and nurses rush around looking stressed out trying to keep every little charge in their care alive.

If it's bad for friends and relatives, it's that much worse for parents. The NICU is not a place anyone wants to go.Several new studies show that for parents with premature babies the stress and trauma of having a baby whisked off to the NICU can last for years afterwards, according to an article published in the New York Times. The article cites several scientific studies indicating that a NICU experience can create lasting Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Though many children who come early have few if any problems, being born premature (which is defined as pre 37-weeks gestation) can lead to a host of lifelong health problems and retardation.

In America these days we seem to do everything to keep premature babies, even micropreemies who may not have a chance at a normal life, alive. We use aggressive intervention and the latest "advances" in medical technology.

Sometimes this absolute determination to keep a baby that did not get a chance to gestate fully alive seems misguided. If a child is going to grow up to have terrible health and other problems and a poor quality of life, is it fair of us to try to defy nature in every way we can to keep that baby alive?

To read a detailed article on premature birth first published in Pregnancy Magazine, click here.

To read a first-person account of visiting a friend's baby in the NICU, click here.

Guest Blog by Tara Rose Crist: Baby Bonding Begins in the Womb

2009-08-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

This post is written by Tara Rose Crist.

The Baby Bond Begins In The Womb: Slow Down To Love And Be Loved.

“Babies are exquisitely sensitive to their surroundings in the womb… Babies do not live in a fortress but in a mother. If she is assaulted, babies will learn about violence; if she is generously loved, babies will learn about love.” David B. Chamberlain, Ph.D.

Recently I attended a neonatal resuscitation workshop held by Karen Strange, a midwife, lecturer, and educator from Colorado. While there were no male attendees -- as most were midwives, doulas, and mothers -- much of the information is valuable to ALL parents, especially dads.

In addition to teaching the fundamentals of resuscitation, Strange presents several days worth of pregnancy, birth, and parenting info in eight hours. The underlying theme of her work and teaching style is one of making contact.

So, how can we best connect to our babies, even while they are in utero?

First we have to connect with ourselves. We must learn to be present and slow down. What? Slow down? You have 20 million things to do, right?!

But it just takes a minute to BREATHE. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel your fanny in the chair. Look at your surroundings.

Do you feel a little slower? A little more aware?

When we slow down, we are more present. And when we are present, we can connect more deeply with others, including our children -- even when they are in the womb -- and our spouses.

Strange argues that a baby feels what its mother feels and experiences what its mother experiences. All that the mother senses stimulates the release of chemicals in her body, and the baby lives in this constant flux of the mother's experience and chemistry. Babies drink and bathe in their mother’s thoughts, sensations, and hormones. They also sense what is happening outside the womb. As Strange puts it, to a great degree “babies are their mothers.”

So a father's relationship with the baby begins with his relationship to the mother and the baby while the baby is still in the womb.If a father’s loving contact with the mother produces oxytocin (a love hormone) in her body, then the baby will be momentarily drinking and living in this love cocktail. The experience of being loved while in the womb helps the baby’s relationship with its parents. It knows it is in a loving, nurturing environment. It knows it is wanted. It can also feel the presence of the papa, differentiate the tone of his voice, and sense the father’s emotion through the mother.

When oxytocin is released in the mother -- whether it be from chocolate, exercise, sex, a back rub from her partner, or anything else pleasurable -- it has a natural calming effect on the fetus.* So, not only is it important for the expectant mother to slow down, love her baby, and do things that are pleasurable to her, but the baby can feel its father’s presence too. A baby can feel papa’s love, as it can feel papa’s love for the mother and mama's pleasure.

Say hello to the baby, build a relationship during gestation, be loving to your wife. Your baby will feel it too.

For more information, visit Strange's Web site: NewbornBreath.Com.

Another helpful resource is the website for The Association for Pre- and Perinatal Psychology and Health. APPPAH’s vision is to illuminate “the life-long impact of conception, pregnancy and birth on babies, families and society.”

* It has been reported that the more peace and pleasure an expectant mom experiences, the calmer the baby is when it arrives OUTSIDE the womb. Just as body development occurs in the womb, personality development begins there too. But, on the flip side of this, some doses of stress hormones in the mother’s body are normal and even important, as they prepare the baby for the normal challenges of living life on earth. Best for all involved, however, is if the love hormones outweigh the stress ones.

Tara Rose Crist is currently completing a degree in English at Southern Oregon University (SOU). She is also a doula in training and an avid equestrienne.

Book Signing in Jacksonville on September 12, 2009!

2009-08-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

When: Saturday, September 12, 2009

Where: Jacksonville Books
555 N 5th St
Jacksonville, OR 97530-9704
(541) 899-3202

What: Jennifer Margulis will be signing copies of Toddler (ask her why it was BANNED in Ashland), Why Babies Do That, and The Baby Bonding Book for Dads, along with author Janis Hunt Jackson, who will be signing copies of her book about healing through prayer, Five Smooth Stones: Our Power to Heal Without Medicine Through the Science of Prayer.

Why?: On September 12th in Jacksonville over 5,000 people come to town for the city-wide DOWNTOWN SIDEWALK SALE.

Don't miss this exciting day in one of the Rogue Valley's quaintest cities. Please stop by and chat with us!

Have Fewer Children To Reduce Your Carbon Impact

2009-08-09T11:11:00.001-07:00

A new study by scientists at Oregon State University suggests that Americans should have fewer children to reduce their carbon footprint.

This seems like a logical conclusion, given the way American children (and families) squander resources, overuse, and overconsume.

Yet as a society we do not support men and women who do not want children. Take A., a friend who tried to get a vasectomy in his 20s but could not find a doctor who would agree to perform it. A. felt he did not want to contribute to environmental degradation by producing more of the invasive species known as homo sapiens. The doctors worried he might change his mind later.

A. didn't change his mind. But he did have an accidental pregnancy with his wife that resulted in an abortion. The vasectomy could have helped avoid that.

If we are really serious about Americans having fewer children, we need to make all kinds of birth control cheaper and more readily available. We also need to promote vasectomies and other sterility options instead of discouraging people who seek them out.

If you read the fine print, the OSU study also mentions that, if you look on a more global scale, large families do not have the impact that large American families do. In Niger, for instance, very little carbon is emitted by rural families, who often have as many as 11 children. They do not use electricity, most do not drive cars, they bath in one bucket of water or less per person. Their contribution to global warming is miniscule.

Then you see American families with just one child who consume vast amounts of resources. Most people we know with SMALL FAMILIES have at least 2-3 cars. Many Americans drive gas guzzling vehicles they have no real need for. People take 20+ minute showers, wrap everything in plastic, overheat their houses, and obsessively mow their lawns with gas-powered mowers. They also generate huge amounts of unnecessary trash without being conscious that they are doing so. Our habits in this country are embarrassing. People do not think about their behavior when they put apples in plastic bags at the grocery store, buy food that is imported from New Zealand, and turn on the air conditioning when they can simply open their windows at night and close them in the morning.

The real problem in America is not the number of children we have but how we are raising them: to be selfish, dependent, and over consuming.

To read the sciencelive.com article about the new findings, click here.

Pregnancy and Poison Oak

2009-07-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

Poison oak grows shrubby and close to the ground and it's hard to imagine that a plant this innocuous looking could cause so much damage but if you have a bad immune reaction to it and you also happen to be pregnant (or your wife, more likely, is pregnant), prepare to suffer for a long time.

According to a midwives, doctors, and naturopaths, poison oak is so much worse when pregnant than in real life. In real life it's horrible (though some people only get mild cases or have no reaction at all). In pregnancy you can expect the site of the infection to swell up like someone inflated your body part, to ooze yellow pus, to itch uncontrollably, and to take WEEKS AND WEEKS AND WEEKS (did we say weeks) TO GO AWAY.

If your pregnant wife gets poison oak, try to be very very nice to her.

The best thing is prevention -- of course. But, duh, you knew that already and you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't get it.

After that, what? Really bad cases are treated with an injection of steroids or orally taken steroids (prednazone is the steroid of choice) but you can't take those if you are pregnant unless your reaction is so severe you are in a death grip because these steroids are known to be toxic to fetuses.

They are also toxic to adults.

Our friend was out hiking. He pet a dog on the trail (animals don't react to the urushiol that makes humans so sick) and then went to relieve himself in the woods. He used his hand to guide the stream, and ended up with poison oak on his johnson. Ouch. The doc gave him a shot in the butt. It helped the poison oak infection but also gave him 'roid rage, turning him from a mild mannered never-raises-his-voice peace-loving dude into a screaming angry freak who got a red card in a soccer match.

Not the kind of medicine you want your fetus absorbing.

But don't believe anything you read on the Internet about poison oak because ... IT DOESN'T WORK. None of it works. Not to be negative or anything but if your wife gets poison oak, hunker down for a lot of pain, a lot of really awful itching, and almost no relief of any kind.

Cold compresses do help, especially ice.

We tried two homeopathic remedies -- Apis and the classic poison oak one, Rhus Tox. They did nothing.

Benadryl taken orally or applied topically helped a little. But only long enough to sleep comfortably until the drug wore off and then the infection--actually it's an overactive immune response the urushiol itself isn't the problem--took over again and sleep was gone. Think hours and hours of itchy agony.

Technu only helps if you apply it when you are exposed. You can try it. The fumes will make a pregnant woman woozy and nauseous but do nothing to help the poison oak.

Also, expect it to spread, because it will. All over your poor spouse's body. From the site of the infection it will migrate systemically to other places. If you get it on your leg, expect it to show up on your index finger.

It's so awful.

And you are in for at least three weeks of agony.

After the initial wound was superating for days, we gave in and used a topical steroid cream that offered some relief and seemed to help the reaction slow down. The small print on the label information said it is KNOWN to be secreted by the liver and to be TOXIC TO RAT FETUSES but the doctor said it was worth it or we would end up in the hospital. Maybe the baby we're expecting will be born with two heads. Let's hope not.

Try other stuff. Search the internet. Get your bed filthy with baking soda goop and calamine. But the best thing is really ice cold water, plenty of rest, a non-inflammatory diet, tons of vitamin C, and a hugely generous serving of patience.

You're in for a long haul. We're right there with you.

Sometimes it's the quiet moments with dad that are the most special

2009-07-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

On Boredom and Parenting

2009-06-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

For the record, I don't think James has ever admitted being bored while parenting but here's a column I wrote awhile ago for the Ashland Daily Tidings that I thought might resonate.

On Boredom and Raising Children

By Jennifer Margulis

I got a blithe email from a friend today saying she was having a fantastic time this holiday season with her two children at home on vacation. When I mentioned to another friend who has three kids that I, on the other hand, was going crazy with my munchkins, she looked at me as blankly as if I were speaking Chinese.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice full of faux sympathy, “I had the feeling you were having problems.”

It was clear from her condescending tone that she and her brood were in perfect harmony, that kids in general do not drive one crazy, and that she found it impossible to imagine being in a similar state of frustration and boredom.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way but why is there such a stigma attached to admitting that sometimes parenting leaves you so bored you feel like your brain is drying up? If your experience as a parent is or was all candy cane sweet and apple pie homey, read no further (why would you?) but I am hereby opening the door to my parenting closet and telling this truth: I get bored sometimes (shh, it’s a secret).

“Mommy, let’s play Bad Guys!” My 4-year-old son suggests while his older sisters are at school and we’re spending the day together. Bad Guys is his favorite game. He’s the Bad Guy. I’m the Good Guy. He does bad things. I die. I come back to life. He decides to turn to a life of good and then we are both good guys and we root out the bad guys and … force them to be good (or kill them). That’s the game. My son can play it for hours, in many iterations on the same general theme. My son’s 4- and 5-year-old friends can also play it for hours. I am 38 and I can play it for about five minutes. Then, as I run away from the Bad Guy at my heels, I start picking up toys off the floor, finding that tidying the house is actually a rewarding activity when compared to Bad Guys.

So then we decide to play Chutes and Ladders … for about ten hours. Since Etani’s newly four, he makes up his own rules to this game. His rules involve zooming his piece around the board like a racecar or hopping it over all the squares like a bunny, never going down a chute, and winning, usually all in the first spin. It’s so much fun to play Chutes and Ladders “My Way” and involves so much uproarious giggling—from both of us—that we have to do it over and over.

I’m so bored I find myself noticing there are only two boys on the board who aren’t white, and both of them are doing something naughty. There is one African-American girl planting tomatoes who gets to climb a ladder. Is this game contributing to racist notions in the United States? Why are so many more black women going to college than black men? What am I doing to fight global oppression?

“Mommy!” Etani cries, interrupting the first thought process I’ve had all morning: “Your turn!”

I suggest we go for a walk. He rides his bicycle and I trot beside him. We’re outside, the air is cold and clear, my son is adorable, the sky is blue, I’m grateful to be alive and be with my child. Later a friend tells me she drove by us and I looked like a glowing and proud mother helping poochie on his bicycle. She’s pregnant with her first baby and she just found out it’s a boy.

“Mommy! I know what!” Etani hollers. “Let’s play Bad Guys and I chase you on my bicycle. Okay?”

I don’t tell Abby the whole truth. She’ll find out soon enough.

Rally in Medford, Oregon this Thursday to Support Health Care Reform

2009-06-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

Mothers Voices For Health Care Reform (Fathers' too!)

Thursday, June 25, 5 - 6 p.m.
Vogel Plaza
Main & Central
Downtown Medford

A rally to show support for health care reform that will give all parents peace of mind. We support Obama's goal of providing QUALITY AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE FOR ALL.

Wear red on Thursday in heartfelt support of health care reform.

Write to the public officials in your state. In Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley has become an eloquent spokesperson in favor of reform.

Senator Ron Wyden, also a democrat, has NOT signed on to the idea of a public health insurance plan. We need to tell him to get on board the Obama train and to stop being silent. Representative Greg Walden, a Republican, also has not committed to any of the principals of health care reform.

Please send personal letters about the importance of health care reform to Senator Wyden at:

Senator Ron Wyden
310 West 6th Street
Room 118
Medford, OR 97501

To fight the big business interests involved in this debate, we all need to speak up about our support for change. Polls this week by non-partisan polling groups show that 72-83% of Americans support a reform of our nation's current health care system.

For more information, call HEALTH CARE FOR AMERICA NOW at 541-772-4029.

A Reason to Have a Second Child

2009-06-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

This news story in the Oregonian really touched us.

A 14-year-old boy, Baltazar Delgado, woke up in the middle of the night to find his house on fire in Keizer, Oregon. The first thing he did was go into his sisters' room to help them. Though his 10-year-old sister was already awake, his 6-year-old sister was still sleeping in the top bunk. He woke her up and carried her through the smoke and fumes and out of the burning house.

This is what siblings are for: to protect each other, be together, and save each other's lives.

Green Baby Expo in Chico, California

2009-06-16T14:58:00.000-07:00

This event looks like it would be great fun for moms, dads, and babies. If anyone goes, let us know. It's sort of last minute, but we're toying with the idea of being there!

Green Baby Expo

Russia Gives Money, Awards for Big Families

2009-06-03T05:16:00.000-07:00

The AP and other news sources around the country (we heard about it on NPR) reported a few days ago that Medvedev had invited moms and dads of large families to the Kremlin to honor them with money and kudos.

Apparently Russia is facing the "threat" of a huge population decline and Medvedev wants his people to go forth and multiply.

The award is called the "Medal of Parental Glory."

I'm not sure a massive decline in homo sapiens is really so much a problem--perhaps it's a solution--if you take a longer view of what's going on with global warming and environmental devastation caused by people but it does seem rather warm and fuzzy that large families are being honored.

Our favorite part of what Medvedev said is that the award should be given to both parents, not just the mothers.

We need more international recognition of the importance of fathers in parenting. Right on Russia.

Now, do you think that family with the 16 children could be convinced to park their cars and bicycle?

When Fathers Kill Their Children

2009-05-26T12:39:00.001-07:00

My brother, who's a lawyer in New York City, says that infanticide is a lot more common than parricide, especially if a man's children are living apart from him with an estranged spouse. There have certainly been some disturbing cases recently of fathers who murder their children, or are accused of murdering their children.

Fifty-nine-year-old William Parente is one of these dads. This tax and estate planning lawyer murdered his wife and his two daughters (ages 11 and 19) in a Sheraton hotel room in Maryland before taking his own life last month. Apparently he cut himself and bled to death in the bathroom. A cleaning lady found the four bodies. The New York Daily News reported that the deaths did not happen quickly.

No one is sure why he did this but an investigation has made it clear that Parente's finances were in ruins. I can only think he killed his family with the mistaken idea that he would be saving them from the shame of bankruptcy? He was obviously mentally deranged at the time but the story is so sad and so bizarre.

Still, ascribing some kind of charitable motive to this father who murdered his family makes little sense given that Parente, who was apparently a deeply religious Catholic, beat the shit out of his wife and daughters before strangling them to death.

Another absolutely mortifying story of a father turning on his family is the Chris Coleman case, which has been reported on Fox News.

Thirty-two-year-old Coleman is accused of strangling his wife and two sons, Gavin and Garret, in their home in Columbia, Illinois. He has pleaded not guilty. I can't help thinking that if he isn't guilty (what motive could he possibly have for killing his family?) the fact that he's been arrested while grieving for the loss of his family and branded as a murderer is even more devastating to an already shattered life.

When Parenting published an article about moms being mad at their spouses by Martha Brockenbrough, it was so widely read that the New York Times blogged about it. But the recent news suggests the opposite: that dads are so mad at their wives, and their families, that they are sometimes willing to commit murder.

We Heart Cloth Diapers

2009-05-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

There's a recent AP article exploring how some frugal parents (they say moms but we say moms and dads) are turning to cloth diapers to save money in this difficult economy.

We all need ways to save money, an excellent reason to use cloth diapers.

There are lots of other reasons too, some of which are mentioned in the article but some which you won't hear about in the mainstream press.

#1 Here's one of the most interesting: some scientists theorize that the rise in male infertility among European men is partially connected with the widespread use of disposable diapers. Here's why--the male genitalia is on the outside of the body to stay cooler in temperature. Parents tend not to change disposable diapers as often as cloth diapers, because you can't tell when they are wet, thereby unnaturally raising the temperature of their child's genitalia.

Moral of the story: whatever diaper type you use, give your son as much air time (fanny exposure) as possible.

#2 Babies in cloth potty train earlier: This makes parenting a lot easier. Babies in cloth diapers learn to associate peeing with wetness more readily than babies in disposable diapers. The new cloth diapers are so state-of-the-art and amazingly dry that maybe this isn't as true as it used to be but it still seems to be the general case.

#3 Cloth diapers are cutier: Absolutely adorable. Your kid won't only be an ecobaby, he'll have the cutest derriere on the block.

#4 Cloth diapers aren't big business: A lot of people making cloth diapers are stay-at-home parents and small business owners. We heart them and we want to support them.

#5 Cloth diapers are easy to clean: Especially if your newborn is breastfeeding, you'll be so surprised how easy the cloth diaper washing thing is. First of all, you don't need bleach or ANYTHING like it. Second of all, you can get away with washing pee pee diapers on cold (we swear -- just put a little vinegar in the rinse water) and poopy diapers on warm. Honest.

U.S. ranks 27th, Niger ranks last

2009-05-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

This is so sad, though Save the Children's annual Mother's Day Report Card isn't telling us anything we don't already know.

Basically that it is very difficult to be a mother in the United States, which ranks 27th among the 158 countries surveyed. Niger -- where James, Jennifer, and their three children lived for a year -- ranks dead last.

The United States is among the richest countries in the world, and the most powerful. Yet we have arcane policies about motherhood, fatherhood, and early childhood.

The highest scoring countries (Ireland, Denmark, France, and Norway are among them) have child-friendly policies, good health for mothers and children, and high economic and educational status for mums.

Sweden ranks first.

In the United States, an alarming number of children are at great risk of failure in school because they are not getting the care and support they need in their early years. New Mexico, Nevada, Mississippi, Arizona and Alabama are the bottom five states where young children face the greatest obstacles to success in school. These states scored low on indicators of parental involvement, quality of home life and preschool participation. Parents in these states are clearly struggling to give their young children a good start in life – and as a result 71 to 81 percent of fourth graders in the public schools in these states are not reading at grade level. Connecticut, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Vermont and Maine are the top five states where, generally speaking, parents and communities are doing a better job of preparing children to succeed in school. (p.5)

You can access the PDF of the executive summary of the report here.

Children (and Babies and Grown-ups Need to Eat Food)

2009-04-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a novel suggestion -- feed your baby, your older kids, and yourself food.

Food.

Humans need to eat food.

But we don't.

We eat processed crap that is nutritionally devoid and then "enriched" with everything the processing of the food took out of it.

News flash: cereal (even Cheerios and Special K, despite what you see on the TV ads) is not food. Poptarts aren't food (you already knew that). Granola bars aren't food. Anything wrapped in plastic with unreadable and unpronounceable ingredients does not count as food.

Don't make your baby's food out of a box or a jar or a plastic bag.

Instead, buy a yam, steam it, and mush it up. Feed that to your baby. And have some yourself.

We see moms and dads putting Coke in baby bottles. Or orange juice. Skip the juice altogether and let your baby drink water and breast milk. Formula, folks, also isn't food. It's nasty manufactured crap that companies are making a lot of money selling, so much so that they can afford to give it away for free in the hospital. These companies even get away with brainwashing new parents that their babies aren't getting enough breast milk.

Some studies are finding that processed baby food is even worse than junk food. Click here to read an article about this.

Rant over. Go buy some apples, oranges, green beans, arugula, spinach, artichokes, chicken, grass-fed organic beef, celery, broccoli, cherries, cheese, edamame, peanuts, walnuts, beans, brown rice, grapes, pears ... and feed that to your family and yourself.

There's an epidemic of obesity among preschoolers in America. If we all start eating REAL FOOD, we could stop it.

Dr Jay Gordon on How Unvaccinated Kids Do Not Put Others at Risk

2009-04-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

Commentary by Dr. Jay Gordon, MD Associate Professor of Pediatrics, UCLA Medical School

The article in the Los Angeles Times this morning has generated a lot of discussion and I was asked to respond.

Unvaccinated children do not pose a threat to vaccinated children or their families. We all have a responsibility to keep each other's children safe. Choosing to not vaccinate or choosing an alternative vaccine schedule could be considered a rift in that contract. Medically, scientifically and statistically speaking, it is not. Honest people might disagree.

I have been a pediatrician for thirty years and have watched children receive all scheduled vaccines, some of the vaccines or receive no vaccines at all. I have seen every one of the illnesses against which we vaccinate. The last time I saw bacterial meningitis in a child was 1982 but the extreme rarity of this terrible disease means that it makes the news whenever a case occurs. Denying that childhood meningitis exists is dishonest. Equally dishonest is implying that it is a large threat to any of our children. I see kids with pertussis every year. I see children misdiagnosed with whooping cough far more often. Two years ago, the New York Times took note of this phenomenon:

New York Times article

2009 marks the thirty year anniversary of the last case of "wild polio" in the United States. Subsequent cases were caused by the oral polio vaccine which is no longer used in this country.

WHO/CDC supported site

Rubella is no longer an "American" disease.

CDC Press Conference

I recently read an article, written in 2009 which chastised non-vaccinating parents because there had been 131 cases of measles in the U.S. in the first half of 2008 alone. And how many cases were there in the whole year? 134. The usual number? 62. Disingenuous reporting. An extra 72 cases of measles among 300,000,000 Americans made the papers every day or two for months and the LA Times writers dredge up the child who caught measles on a Swiss vacation one more time.

Yes, as mentioned, measles and other viruses can cause encephalitis. It's very, very rare. Implying otherwise could scare parents.

And, no, the law does not allow us to know which children have not received vaccines any more than it allows other invasions of privacy.

I have received hundreds of emails from people all over the country and the world reaching out to me and asking me to listen to them about vaccine issues and injuries because it seems that no one else will. I have permission from a mother to forward email she sent to me-with a picture-of her four month old daughter who received four vaccines and died shortly thereafter. I have dozens and dozens of similar emails and dozens of face-to-face encounters in my office with parents coming to me after what they considered to be vaccine damage to their children. I will not forward that email. It creates a different kind of fear that also doesn't serve the dialogue well.

I think that these possibly injured children and families represent one end of the bell shaped curve and that scary stories about meningitis in Minnesota (the first there in 18 years) represent the other end. (I do feel that the former end of the curve is far fuller than the latter but no proof exists. None.)

The LA Times stories were "fear-based" just as my forwarding these emails would have been.

The University of Michigan Law Review recently invited me to write a journal article about vaccines and tort law and you can read it here.

I sum up my law review presentation to parents every winter by telling them that the only way to avoid childhood illnesses is "reverse isolation" of your illness-free child. If you go to a two-year-old' s birthday party during the winter months . . . You will probably get sick.

Peripherally, let's all remember that it took fifty years or more, thousands of court cases and a lot of money to finally prove the connection between cigarettes and cancer. The three court cases showing no connection between vaccines and autism should make no headlines and should be an impetus to honest investigative journalism.

We have increased the number of vaccines and the combinations of vaccines given to babies and children. Adequate testing has not been done. I have seen a huge rise in the number of children with autism. Neither I nor any other doctors are hundreds of percent better at diagnosing this spectrum of developmental delay than ten or twenty years ago. The dramatic rise in the number of cases of autism spectrum disorders is attributable to something other than "reclassification" or better diagnosis.

While waiting for scientific proof, we have to tolerate families' completely legal and scientific desire to have or not have their children given vaccines according to the current schedule.

Best,

Dr. Jay Gordon

TriangleMommies Blogs About "Toddler"

2009-02-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

There's a review over at TriangleMommies.com of "Toddler: Real-Life Stories of Those Fickle, Irrational, Urgent, Tiny People We Love." I love the review as Andrea is just the kind of person the book is designed to reach -- someone running around after toddlers who has no time to read but is eager, nonetheless, to find out how other parents are coping with their 1, 2, and 3-year-old terrors. Here's an excerpt from what Andrea has to say about the book:

Hi, everyone! Right now I am reading the absolute best book possible. My daughter turned two last week, and although I've been skimming through this book for a while, I find that it seems to be hitting home a bit more these days. BIG TIME!

I am reading Toddler: Real-life Stories of Those Fickle, Irrational, Urgent, Tiny People We Love, Edited by Jennifer Margulis. And I LOVE IT! It's a compilation of short stories written by mothers and fathers of toddlers. They share their trials and tribulations, stories of protecting their young ones, playing with them, viewing things from the eye-level of the toddler, and much more!

The stories are short and sweet, totally to the point, and easy to sneak a read in while hiding in the bathroom. Come on now, I know I'm not the only one who does that. One dad even used it as the topic of his story, reminding me that we're all in this together.

We didn't pay her to write that. Honest! We don't even know her. But it's very nice to hear that the book is making a parent feel like she is not alone, which is exactly what I hoped it would do. You can read the whole review here.

Babies are bad for marriage

2009-02-10T14:47:00.000-08:00

I just got this press release from the Council on Contemporary Families:

Old News: Having a Baby Will Save Your Marriage

New News: No, After Having a Baby, Satisfaction With Marriage Goes Down for Most Couples

New New News: Having a Baby Won't Improve a Poor Marriage, but Couples Who Plan the Conception Jointly Are Much Less Likely to Experience a Serious Marital Decline

And Really Good News: Couples Who Establish a Collaborative Parenting Relationship After the Child Is Born not Only Have Happier Marriages but Better-Adjusted Children

In the mid-20th century, marital counselors often advised couples that parenthood would increase their marital satisfaction and adjustment, and polls showed that most Americans believed that true marital happiness depended on having a child. But over the past three decades, a series of studies, including two by Philip and Carolyn Cowan and another 25 studies in 10 industrialized countries, have discovered the opposite. On average, satisfaction with marriage for men and women goes down after the birth of a first child and continues to fall over the next 15 years.

Today, conventional wisdom seems to have swung the other way -- holding that babies bring trouble to their parents' marriage. A recent New York Times article by Tara Parker-Pope (Jan 20, 2009), quoting from the most recent studies, points to the time bind facing new parents and the burden on women resulting from increased household work as factors in reducing marital bliss. She holds out hope to her readers by reporting the finding from a 50-year longitudinal study of Mills College women that couples are likely to re-connect once their children leave home.

For parents of young children, that's a very long time to wait. And it's not good news for the children either, because children are more likely to have social, emotional, and academic problems when their parents' marriage is in distress.

But many of these findings on marital distress in the early childrearing years are based on the uncritical use of averages. More in-depth examination reveals that the averages hide considerable variation. The Cowans' detailed interviews with 96 couples, followed for 6 years after their first babies were born, revealed four different pathways that couples take in deciding to become pregnant and carry the pregnancy to term. First are couples who agree about when to begin trying to become pregnant (about half of their sample). Then there are the couples who "find themselves pregnant" and decide to "accept fate" and go ahead (about 15%). Another set of couples (about 20% of the sample) are still ambivalent when they reach the 7th month of pregnancy. Finally, for some couples who are at serious loggerheads about the decision, one spouse agrees to become a parent only because the other threatens to go it alone (about 10%).

The Cowans found that the average decline in marital satisfaction was almost completely accounted for by couples who (1) slid into having a baby without planning; (2) were still ambivalent about becoming parents in late pregnancy, or (3) disagreed about having a baby but went ahead and conceived without resolving their difference. About half the planners showed increased marital satisfaction or maintenance of their initially positive level in measurements taken when their babies were about 18 months old. ALL the couples where one partner had given in (usually the man) were either separated or divorced by the time their first child entered kindergarten.

Other studies conducted by the Cowans in the 1980s, 1990s, and the first decade of the 21st century, involving 1000 families, identified another important contributor to dissatisfaction with the couple relationship after childbirth, even when both partners equally wanted the child. After the birth of a child, most couples become much more traditional in their approach to housework and childcare. No matter how much they think the tasks will be shared, most women wind up doing more housework work than they did before the birth, and more of the childcare than they expected. The discrepancy between what the couples hoped for and the reality of wives having to take on a "second shift" at home leads to feelings of tension, depression, and sometimes anger in both partners.

To alleviate this source of dissatisfaction, the Cowans have been working with couples in groups, allowing parents with children around the same stage of life (making the transition to parenthood, sending a first child off to school) to share the fact that all are struggling to balance the complex demands of being parents, partners, and workers in today's society, and to get past blaming each other for their stresses. Follow-up assessments show that the couples who meet in the professionally led groups are more likely to maintain a positive view of their relationships, to work together more effectively to resolve disagreements, and to be warm while also setting limits with their children than couples without this resource. Not surprisingly, their children are also faring better in both the preschool, elementary school, and high school years, according to their teachers.

Given these findings and the challenge of having a baby, the Cowans say, it isn't wise for an eager spouse or would-be grandparents to pressure couples to become parents before both partners are ready. In light of the long-term consequences of the transition from being partners to becoming parents on the quality of both adult and parent-child relationships, the decision to start a family should not be rushed. Partners need to start by having a discussion or a series of discussions -- not by making a decision. If both partners can express both sides of their feelings, it is less likely that one partner will carry all the ambivalence for the couple.

When both partners feel they are part of this major family decision, they are more likely to be able to meet the challenges of balancing the needs of both partners in terms of work and family. All this bodes well for their developing relationship with each other and with their child -- and ultimately for their child's sense of security and well-being.

The bottom line? When men and women work together to plan when to have children and then establish a collaborative approach to parenthood when children are young, it's a win-win situation for the couple and for the children.

Calling All Dads (who write)!

2009-02-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

Cup of Comfort is looking for essays from fathers on parenting for a new volume called A Cup of Comfort for Fathers. Here's what they say about it:

The connection between father and child can be as deep as the ocean, as strong as a mountain, and as uplifting as fresh air. For all its rewards, though, fatherhood is not without its challenges. And for all the gifts dads bring to their kids' lives, dads sometimes falter and fumble. Yet, the father-child bond forms, holds, and grows. A Cup of Comfort for Fathers will feature inspiring and insight true stories about the life-defining and life-enriching relationships and experiences shared by fathers and their children. These personal essays will be of varying topics and tones (heartwarming, humorous, poignant, provocative, etc.); about fathers and children of all ages and varying circumstances; and written by fathers, daughters, and sons.

The deadline is April 15, 2009.

You can read more about submitting here.

The More the Merrier?

2009-02-08T12:44:00.001-08:00

Large families are all over the news and the internet, thanks to the birth last week of 8 human babies at once to an unwed, unemployed mom of 6 in California (oy vay, as if Californians don't already get a bad rap), to say nothing of Angelina Jolie's recent additions to her family.

Which is why there's a long article in the New York Times about large families "And Baby Makes How Many? In the Era of Shrinking Broods, Larger Families Can Feel Attacked."

Writer Kate Zernike interviews several moms of large families, with as many as 12 children, and she writes:

With anecdotes of a boomlet in larger families in places like the Upper East Side of Manhattan and select pockets of suburbia, large families are presumed to be either really rich, having children as status symbols, or really poor, living off the dole and completely devoid of culture.

I found this article very interesting (and it features a photo of a friend of mine, Meagan Francis, who is expecting her 5th and is the author of "Table for Eight," but I read it wondering about the dads? We see them in the pictures but not a single dad of a large family is quoted in the article.

So what do you think of large families? Do you want to have more than 2 or 3 children? Do you think large families are culturally irresponsible or do you think they are a celebration of happiness? We'd love to hear your thoughts!

Let Them Eat Dirt-Germs Are Good For Babies

2009-02-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

When our infant swallowed a blade of grass we panicked, wondering if she would have long-term health consequences, but by the time her friend Jonah was walking around playgroup with a dusty cockroach hanging out of his mouth we were a bit savvier and more relaxed about the things kids will explore with their mouths. It was disgusting, sure. But it wasn't going to kill him.

In fact, those dust bunnies and all the other dirt that children are exposed to may just be good for them. According to an article by Jane E. Brody in the New York Times, there are evolutionary reasons that children put dirt and bugs and grime and germs in their mouth.

Brody writes:

"Since all instinctive behaviors have an evolutionary advantage or they would not have been retained for millions of years, chances are that this one too has helped us survive as a species. And, indeed, accumulating evidence strongly suggests that eating dirt is good for you."

It is increasingly thought that exposure to germs helps stimulate the immune system and ward off auto-immune diseases like asthma, allergies, MS, type 1 diabetes, and inflammatory bowel disease.

What does this mean for parents with new babies?

1) Let your kids play in the dirt.

2) Don't have a panic attack if they play with their own poop or put dirty wrappers in their mouths.

3) Don't buy any of the conventional antibacterial soaps (here's what the article says about that: ”Dr. Ruebush [author of a book called "Why Dirt is Good"] deplores the current fetish for the hundreds of antibacterial products that convey a false sense of security and may actually foster the development of antibiotic-resistant, disease-causing bacteria. Plain soap and water are all that are needed to become clean, she noted.")

4) Skip the chlorine bleach (you can wash poopy cloth diapers on warm or even cold with biodegradable detergent and they will come out perfectly clean, especially if you are breastfeeding).

5) Don't bathe your baby every day. They only need a bath once a week, and a bit of spot cleaning with soap and warm water in between.

Baby's First Foods

2009-01-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

First Foods

“The book says to take it slow,” my husband called from the living room where he sat leafing through a baby advice book. “Just introduce one new food at a time and wait for at least four days in case the baby has allergies. It’s called the Four-Day Wait Rule.”

I was standing by the stove whisking brown rice I had blended into flour into a pot of boiling water and cooking a yam to mash for our six-month-old daughter who we were just starting on solid foods. She was babbling happily in her high chair, flailing her little legs and cooing in time to her own music. I already had the menu in my head: mashed yam, mashed banana, rice mush, and some cold water to wash it down. But my husband’s caution made me realize I had to choose just one food for today’s mushy feast. Darn!

Starting a baby on solid foods is exciting. They raise their eyebrows at you, pucker their little lips, and look shocked and pleased as they roll the new food around on their tongue, not sure what to do with it. Invariably more food ends up on their bib (and on you) than in their mouths the first few times they try to eat. But get your camera ready—there’s no more photographable moment than that first look of surprise a baby tries solids.

When to eat?

How do you know when your baby is ready to try solid food? Your baby needs to be able to hold his head up by himself and to sit in a high chair, though you may want to hold him on your lap for his first feeding.

“Babies often start showing interest in foods you are eating by watching your movements and opening their mouths,” says Jani Rollins, M.D., a pediatrician in Ashland, Oregon. “They may even reach over and dive into your plate. Most babies have extinguished their tongue thrust reflex by four months. However, most recent recommendations are to wait until closer to six months to start solids,” adds Dr. Rollins.

While six months is a good rule of thumb, there is no reason you have to start babies that young.

My oldest daughter was an eager eater but my second child ate very little solid food until she was well over a year old (she threw up almost everything we offered her). Gauge your child’s interest in food and take your cues from her.

What to eat?

Once you’ve got the bib poised and the highchair ready, what do you feed your baby? The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends starting babies off with iron-fortified rice cereal. Ruth Yaron, author of the bestselling book “Super Baby Food,” adds that other perfect early foods include avocado, banana, and cooked mashed sweet potato.

According to Dr. Rollins, an easily digest high fiber vegetable like puréed cooked squash is an excellent choice for babies who get easily constipated. “Occasionally in babies who tend toward constipation or less frequent pooping, using squash or some other vegetable may prevent worsening of that problem at first,” says Rollins. “You can introduce cereal after that.”

Yaron’s super baby food diet is primarily a lacto-ovo vegetarian diet with the exception of dessicated liver (which is high in vitamin B12, amino acids, and other nutrients), which Yaron recommends adding as a “healthy extra” to a young child’s food. Although I was a vegetarian for 20 years before having children, my husband and I decided to include some organic, nitrate-free meat in our children’s diet. The first time my daughter tried chicken she liked it so much she growled! That said, a baby can be a vegetarian and enjoy good health.

“With careful attention to requirements for iron, vitamins and protein, I think it is safe for babies to be vegetarian,” says Dr. Rollins. “Parents must educate themselves about food options that contain these nutrients.” If you do decide to introduce meat, wait until your baby is eight or nine months old.

Whatever foods you choose to feed your baby, both Rollins and Yaron agree that all of a baby’s early diet should be organic. “If there are pesticides and insecticides in the food—and these are used to kill living things—it’s just intuitive not to put that in a baby’s body,” says Yaron.

What about milk?

Many parents wonder when to introduce cow’s milk products into a baby’s diet. While cow’s milk should not be the staple of a baby’s diet before the age of one, other milk products, like plain whole milk yogurt and cheese, can be introduced to a baby who is nine or ten months old.

Because yogurt contains healthy bacteria that support the digestive system (and help fight against things like yeast infections), doctors often recommend introducing a baby to yogurt first.

“Many families will try a little bit of dairy in the form of yogurt or cottage cheese,” says Dr. Rollins, who also advises her patients to mix cow’s milk with breast milk or formula to get a baby used to the taste.

If you have a history of food allergies in your family, or a sensitivity to dairy products, there is no need to rush to offer your child cow’s milk. The more developed your baby’s digestive system, the more likely he will be to tolerate cow’s milk. Goat milk, goat yogurt, and goat cheese are healthy and more easily digested alternatives to cow milk products and are readily available in most health food stores and conventional supermarkets.

While soymilk has also become a popular alternative to cow’s milk, nutrition experts are finding that this trend is misguided. Recent studies have shown that eating a lot of soy can have negative health consequences for women. According to Paul Buck, Ph.D., a retired professor who held a joint appointment in the Department of Food Science and the Graduate School of Nutrition at Cornell University, the plant hormones in soy products are similar to human hormones and can actually interfere with the production of hormones. “Soy products should never be more than 5% of a female’s diet,” says Buck.

As an excellent source of calcium, cow’s milk is a healthy food for a growing child. However, breastfed babies do not need to drink cow’s milk. Children between the ages of one and three do need 500 mg of calcium a day, according to Dr. Rollins. Nondairy foods high in calcium include beans, green vegetables, and fish such as salmon.

What about fat?

Despite the current fat-free craze in America, experts say that babies need to have a certain amount of fat in their diets in order to grow strong and healthy. “Babies should have fats in their diets,” says Yaron. In fact, fat is both a good source of energy and an essential component of brain development. The AAP recommends that no fats should be restricted from a baby’s diet until after age two.

According to Paul Buck and other nutrition experts, it is a misperception that saturated fats are bad for you. It is hydrogenated fats, also called trans fats, that are highly processed foods and categorically bad for your health. While parents should not allow babies or young children to eat any food containing these processed fats, children (and adults) should have a diet that includes a good balance of saturated and unsaturated fats. Read the labels. If any of the ingredients include the words “hydrogenated vegetable oil,” “partially hydrogenated,” or “trans fat,” put the item back on the shelf!

It is a lot of fun to introduce healthy foods to a baby, who has no preconceptions about how things should taste.

“It’s so easy to feed kids a 100% perfect diet because they don’t know about sugar yet, they don’t know about chocolate yet,” laughs Yaron. “What you feed them, they will eat.”

Marriage Less Important Than Prenatal Bonding

2009-01-25T10:53:00.001-08:00

There's a fascinating new study published in the December issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family about the importance for dads to bond with their babies in the prenatal period in order to establish a stable family life and continue being an involved parent.

As reported in a News Bulletin on Mothering.com:

In their analysis, Cabrera and her colleague, Jay Fagan at Temple University, found that fathers involved during pregnancy were significantly more likely to remain involved in raising their child at three-years-old.

"The unmarried father is much more likely either to maintain or move into a more committed relationship if he's involved before the birth, and that's the critical difference," Cabrera says.

"As you might expect, research has consistently shown that creating a stable home life predicts whether a father will be an active participant in raising the child, but what we've learned here is that the prenatal months are when that kind of family structure is most likely to coalesce."

And Baby Makes Five

2009-01-24T16:12:00.000-08:00

This essay was originally a column in the Ashland Daily Tidings.

And Baby Makes Five
by Jennifer Margulis

My mother-in-law knew before I did. I clutched my stomach going down a twisty slide at the park and stumbled getting up.

"Ugh - ever since I had kids I can't go on these things anymore," I complained, so nauseous I had to stop chasing my daughters around and sit quietly for a moment.

"Really?" My mother-in-law raised her eyebrows.

That night back at her apartment I slouched over my soup. "I'm so tired." I eyed the floor like it was a comfortable place to sleep. "It must be the jet lag."

"Oh yeah?"

My girls and I were visiting my mother-in-law in Atlanta where, in February, the magnolia trees and the dogwoods boasted bright white and pink blossoms. James stayed back in Massachusetts to shovel snow and work. Hesperus, three and a half, and Athena, almost two, were enthusiastic travelers. The minute they went to sleep I fell into bed.

It wasn't jet lag.

I was pregnant.

I always wanted a big family. My husband, an only child, thought he wanted "maybe one" kid until we met. But my enthusiasm grew on him, as did his awareness of being lonely a lot, and alone, as a child. Our first daughter emerged into the world with ears that stuck out at right angles, just like his, and a heartbreaking calmness. While we heard ear-piercing screams from other newborns in the hospital, Hesperus made little cat-like squeaks, "ut-ut-ut-ut," when she wanted to nurse.

She was so placid and mild-mannered and we were so keen on having a big family that we thought it made perfect sense to get started on Baby Number Two right away.

What we couldn't know as a blissful threesome was how hard it would be to go from being a family of three to a family of four.

Athena, like the goddess after whom she is named, came into the world whooping a war cry. At almost exactly the same time Hesperus morphed into a strong-willed toddler. I made up a song about her: "Hesperus Wesperus's favorite word is 'no, no, no, no, no, no.' Hesperus Wesperus could say 'yes,' but 'yes, yes, yes' is rarely heard." She stripped naked at the car mechanic's, put a pussy willow up her nose, refused to eat a bite of anything without Favorite Fork, and howled with rage if James drove the car when she wanted me to: "No Daddy drive! No Daddy drive!"

That first year with a spirited toddler and a fussy newborn cured us - we thought permanently - of the idea of having a big family. It was the stereo crying at 2 in the morning that was the hardest. I felt like I was robbing my firstborn of a long babyhood (she was 19 months old when Athena was born) and robbing my second born of a tranquil infancy.

So when a pink line on a white plastic stick confirmed I was pregnant, it was hard not to worry. Since going from one to two had been more than twice as hard, I reasoned that going from two to three would be more than six times as hard.

Etani was born in the middle of a wine-dark night in October in our farmhouse in rural Massachusetts. "I love him more than all my stuffies," Hesperus announced, holding her floppy hours-old baby brother on her lap. "I'm so happy there are tears in my eyes, Mommy."

"This is how you jump, Baby," Athena showed him. "This is how you run. This is how you walk." At 4 and 2 1/2, Hesperus and Athena were fascinated but not threatened by the baby. Athena had gone from being a fussy infant to a deeply compassionate, cooperative toddler and Hesperus had outgrown some of her most challenging behavior. Best friends, they became even closer after Etani's birth. And I had changed too. I knew to ask friends to bring food, pick up supplies, and take the girls out for playtime; I knew that a messy kitchen didn't matter as much as a well-rested mama; and I knew that it was OK (though antithetical to my upbringing) to ask for as much help as I needed.

A few days after his birth I sent my mother-in-law an email. "I didn't know how much I wanted a son until after he was here," I wrote with a lump in my throat. I imagine she smiled knowingly when she read it.

Learn As Much As You Can Before You Vaccinate Your Baby

2009-01-15T17:40:00.001-08:00

It's overwhelming to have a new baby -- in a wonderful, fearful, giddy sort of way -- and there's a lot that you'll wish you did differently after the fact.

But here's one mistake not to make: Find out about vaccines before you start shooting up your child.

The Hep B vaccine is administered a few hours after birth. But Hep B is a sexually transmitted disease. If you and your partner are monogamous and do not use drugs or share needles and do not have Hep B, you should not give this vaccine to your newborn or your child at any age. (Hep B tends to be a mild illness in adults but a dangerous one in very small children.)

Vaccinating a newborn against Hep B is not only not necessary but it is also dangerous to your baby. The vaccine is known to cause adverse reactions. The link there is to the government's National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program.

Here's another link to a less mainstream source that discusses the dangers of the Hep B vaccine. The small chance that you child could have an adverse reaction, including anaphylactic shock, is more of a risk than the disease, Hep B, itself. The long term immune consequences and potential harmful effects of megadosing children on vaccines have yet to be studied.

There is nothing wrong with vaccines. Though some skeptics argue that diseases like Polio were already on the decline because of improved sanitation, chlorine added to swimming pools, and natural immunity--as well as the normal epidemiological trends--most people agree that the Polio vaccine helped save many children from being crippled or worse.

But Polio has been eradicated in the United States and most countries in the world, which is a good reason to think and consider before giving your baby that vaccine.

All of this was the subject of a lot of debate during a CDC vaccine community meeting in Ashland, Oregon. You can read more about that meeting here.

I am writing a feature for a national magazine about whether unvaccinated children put others at risk. If you want to weigh in on the debate, please contact me.

Saving Money With a New Baby

2009-01-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

We like this post from DadJam about how to save money when you have a newborn.

In a nutshell, Head Jammer says:

1) Breastfeed for the first 6 months because the food is free. We'd add that you can breastfeed for a year exclusively and have the healthiest baby (and wallet) on the block. And keep breastfeeding for as long as you'd like. Two of our three breastfed for more than four years.

2) Get a used crib. We bought one and used it for three kids, now it's on loan to a friend who just had their first. Despite being 10 years old, it's in really good shape. We always borrowed those cradle thingies. Or you can skip the crib completely, use a drawer with a blankie in it the old-fashioned way, and have you baby sleep in your bed.

3) Get hand-me-downs! It's shocking how NICE used clothes from cousins can be.

4) Use cloth diapers. Absolutely! And instead of buying wipes and adding them to the landfill, use washcloths and warm water. One family we know has white ones for wiping tushies and colored ones for hands and faces.

5) Forget toys. Well, that's not exactly what Head Jam says but we're paraphrasing and misrepresenting to further our own anti-materialist agenda here.

6) Don't have a car. He doesn't. If you do, though, invest in the safest and most expensive car seat you can. Not the kind that pop out (carry your baby close to your chest. It's good for both of you) but a steel reinforced good one. Car accidents kill too many babies a year.

7) Suck it up that you'll be spending a lot of money on coffee.

We have a few more suggestions:

1) Ask well-meaning friends and relatives to bring FOOD after the birth, especially things that can be frozen, instead of gifts. The baby doesn't need anything. You need to eat (healthy, organic, whole grain food).

2) If the well meaners from #1 really need to give you something, ask them to contribute to a college savings fund or buy Baby a savings bond. In this down market, bonds have been doing gangbusters!

3) The baby will be spitting up, pooping, and growing like crazy. If you can't get hand-me-downs, go to Good Will or the Salvation Army and buy clothes there. We live in a relatively wealthy area and people give really nice, often new stuff to Good Will. So, the lady shopping next to you will be slapping her grandson. But you're saving money.

4) Use olive or avocado oil on your baby's skin instead of expensive lotions that will cause a rash anyway.

5) Wash laundry in cold water. You save money and energy. The clothes get clean. Even the pee pee diapers (maybe not the poopy ones--wash on warm for those...) You don't need bleach of any kind, even though it is cheap...

Male Seahorses Experience Pregnancy

2008-12-31T18:13:00.001-08:00

The animal kingdom mixes up our gender assumptions about parenting.

Female bald eagles are bigger than the males. Charlotte Ann Kisling, a bird expert and guide in the Klamath Basin, says this is because birds of prey are so fierce that for a female to let a male get behind her and do his thing, she has to know she has nothing to fear from his talons and sharp beak.

Then there are seahorses. Did you know that male seahorses are the ones who carry the pregnancies? Details in this article in Science Daily.

Male Emperor penguin care for their newborns while the mom leaves for a long period to hunt. The regurgitate a watery milky substance and feed it to the newborn penguin. We call that male nursing!

Happy new year! May 2009 bring more gender reversals in the human animal world!!

Is Shaken Baby Syndrome a Myth?!

2008-12-26T20:14:00.001-08:00

Mark Anderson, a writer and a dad, spent months researching this article for Discover Magazine about Shaken Baby Syndrome. The article questions whether Shaken Baby Syndrome really exists or whether innocent parents have actually been accused of--and jailed for--"crimes" they did not commit.

In the article Anderson tells the story of a father in Illinois who was charged with shaking his baby and his wife charged with abuse and neglect. Their infant had been hospitalized three times in two months with seizure-like symptoms and fever. After he went home from the third hospitalization the baby was back in the ER with brain hemorrhaging and the baby was taken away from his parents.

Did his father and mother abuse him?

No.

This baby had a chronic subdural brain hematoma that was not caused by SBS.

The article is thorough and well-researched and carefully presents both sides of a controversial issue. Anderson does not conclude that there is no such thing as SBS. Instead, he documents how mistakes have been made, with tragic consequences to parents and their children. He also explores the research and models being proposed by scientists who are trying to figure out what happens in infant brains and why.

Parenting Advice for Fathers Only

2008-12-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

Paul Banas, at GreatDads.com, has a great article up about parenting advice for fathers only. The gist of it is this:

Though traditionally books and articles have been geared towards moms, that's changing as Web sites, blogs, and books have begun to address themselves specifically to dads.

He cites the new book, "Caveman's Guide to Baby's First Year," as an example of this new trend. And also mentions our book, "The Baby Bonding Book for Dads," and Armin Brott's book, "The New Father."

Banas suggests to dads, in addition to reading, that they reach out to other men who have experience as fathers.

New Resource For Moms and Dads who Miscarry

2008-12-17T11:15:00.000-08:00

Our writerly friend Katie Allison Granju has started a blog about miscarriage called The Miscarriage Blog.

Here's the link.

Hopefully you won't need it. But if you do ever need it, it's there.

The Holiday Hard Stuff

2008-12-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

[This post was originally an article by Jennifer Margulis in the Ashland Daily Tidings]
“I’m just afraid that this will be the last Christmas that they believe in Santa,” my husband James said sadly. “I just want it to be fun for them. And special.”

These were the first conciliatory words from James all evening. Santa was running late and we were frantically wrapping presents, stuffing stockings, and placing surprise ornaments on the tree. Every time we passed the kitchen table we took a bite of Santa’s cookies. Santa wrote a note in response to 5-year-old Athena’s, thanking her for the cookies, praising her and her siblings for being good, and suggesting our 3-year-old stop sneaking sugar.

Now that our kids were in bed, we adults should have been enjoying these Christmas preparations. But we weren’t. James was having something akin to an anxiety attack, and I was starting to feel like I wanted to cut December 25th out of the calendar.

My foul mood had started earlier in the day, after being awakened at dawn by my children, who were eager to know how many days were left until Christmas, who had a deluge of last minute present requests (after refusing for weeks to hint at what they might want from Santa), and who were all voicing their needs in high-pitched whines.

“I hate Christmas. Next year I’m going away,” I said to them grumpily. “I’m skipping the whole thing.”

“How can you say that?” James asked in a hurt voice when they were out of earshot. “It’s one thing to say it to me, but not to the children. What if I said I didn’t want to celebrate Hanukkah?”

But on Hanukkah, which we celebrate in a haphazard way, there’s no gift giving. Instead, we light candles, sing the traditional Hebrew incantations, and eat traditional foods. This year we had potato latkes and doughnuts dripping in oil. We invited friends over to share the candlelight and the meals. And, as is our custom, we exchanged poems instead of presents. There wasn’t much to do to prepare for each night of Hanukkah except for putting candles into the menorah and cooking. My children didn’t expect hundreds of presents, and since the holiday is as much for me as it is for them, I didn’t worry about whether they’d be happy.

Christmas, on the other hand, was feeling very stressful. It involves a lot of things I don’t like: spending too much money on plastic toys made in China by laborers in substandard factory conditions, wasting paper to wrap presents. No matter how many times we read Dr. Seuss’s “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” or “The Berenstain Bears’ Christmas Tree” it always comes down to presents. Christmas Eve we invariably stress: did we buy enough toys? Will the kids be happy?

But maybe the anxiety is really about our own childhood baggage, and since I didn’t celebrate Hanukkah as a child, I don’t have difficult memories associated with it. After my parents divorced they still celebrated Christmas together for the sake of the children. My father would express his anxiety by manically throwing away wrapping paper while we were still opening our gifts. I would have a lump in my throat all morning, awkward around my parents and feeling guilty for something I couldn’t define. And I would feign excessive enthusiasm for each gift, as if showing gratitude would prove to my parents that I was a good child, and perhaps even motivate them to love each other again. The only part of Christmas that I remember without ambivalence was how my dad would awaken early to go to the bagel shop in Newton Centre, coming home with a dozen warm bagels and a tub of hand whipped cream cheese.

For James, an only child, the living room was covered with presents. He has fond memories of the mountains of gifts but his yearly anxiety tells a different story. The Christmases when he was four to nine were the years after his mother, who had a drinking problem, divorced his father so she could live as a single woman in the swinging Seventies. Being a mom was not her first priority. The holidays were like make up time. A few months later, she would go on a cleaning frenzy with a trash bag, picking up each new toy and suggesting he throw it away.

The kids wake us at dawn. “He came! He really came!” They marvel at the bulging stockings and the presents and the day is a success.

I hope their childhood memories won’t be as fraught as mine.

More reasons to NAP with your baby (and not to drink coffee)

2008-12-02T22:51:00.001-08:00

This article, just in from the New York Times, talks about how napping is beneficial to learning and caffeine isn't. We say any excuse to nap with your baby is a valid one. If your wife is skeptical of why you need to snooze a roo, print this out for her:

VITAL SIGNS
Regimens: For the Best Pick-Me-Up, Lie Down

By NICHOLAS BAKALAR
Published: December 1, 2008

Scientists spent a morning training 61 people in motor, perceptual and verbal tasks: tapping a keyboard in a specific sequence, discriminating between shapes on a computer screen and memorizing a list of words. Then the scientists randomly divided the subjects into three groups. The first took a nap from 1 to 3 p.m. At 3, the second group took a 200-milligram caffeine pill, and the third took a placebo. The subjects repeated the tasks they had been taught earlier and were scored by researchers who did not know which group they were in.

Those who had caffeine had worse motor skills than those who napped or had a placebo. In the perceptual task, the nappers did significantly better than either the caffeine or placebo group. On the verbal test, nappers were best by a wide margin, and the caffeine consumers did no better than those given a placebo. Despite their mediocre performance, caffeine takers consistently reported less sleepiness than the others.

“People think they’re smarter on caffeine,” said Sara C. Mednick, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, and the lead author of the study, which appeared in the Nov. 3 issue of Behavioral Brain Research. “But this study is a strong argument for taking a nap instead of having a cup of coffee.”

Golden Cake with Chocolate Frosting

2008-12-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

This baby gets our vote for cutest in the world, being the brand new niece in the family but it was her older sister's birthday we were celebrating Thanksgiving weekend and we altered a version of a golden cake recipe that came out so well it was gobbled down in no time.

Totally Yummy Golden Cake Sweetened With Xylitol and Agave:
2 1/2 cups white cake flour
1 cups whole wheat flour (we added some wheat germ for good measure)
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup xylitol
1 cup agave nectar
4 large eggs
1 Tbsp. vanilla
2 cups whole milk organic yogurt (traditional recipes use sour cream)

Preheat oven to 350-degrees. Butter 2 (9- by 2-inch) round cake pans.

Mix together flours, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

Beat together butter and xylitol in a large bowl with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Then add the agave. Then the eggs and finally the vanilla and the yogurt. Add the flour mixture by hand and beat until smooth.

Bake until a knife in the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. When the cake cools, add your favorite chocolate frosting, preferably with melted organic milk chocolate in it.We decorated the cake with some jelly beans, 'cause that was all we had on hand.

A Writer Looking For Some Dads to Interview

2008-11-19T19:50:00.001-08:00

Has your kids’ dad done anything truly out of the ordinary to make himself a great dad? I’m looking for specific stories. For instance, one dad dug through a dumpster looking for presents that got accidentally thrown away. The stories can be sweet, heroic, or just funny. The catch is that I’m looking for stories that involve kids 6 or under. I’m trying to clear a little wiggle room with my editor so I can use stories about kids who are a little older. If you have a story you’d like to share, can you please email me at jodymace@live.com?

If I’m able to use your story, the article would be a really neat surprise gift for Father’s Day!

Thanks!

Jody Mace
Freelance Writer
www.jodymace.com
blog: www.jodymace.com/news

Call for Submissions: Dads in Academia

2008-11-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

Call for Submissions

The editors of Dads in Academia: Male Voices In and Out of the Ivory Tower invite contributions for an interdisciplinary collection of creative nonfiction essays on the rewards and challenges of being both a father and an academic. Much recent discussion about the juxtaposition of parenthood and the academy has focused on the difficulties that female professors face when they choose to become mothers. Books like Mama, PhD, edited by Caroline Grant and Elrena Evans, depict the oftentimes bleak prospects of merging the two endeavors. This collection welcomes the masculine voice into this lively and provocative dialogue. Further, Dads in Academia creates a space for male professors to describe their own experiences of balancing the demands and desires of two worlds that have changed notably throughout the past few decades: fatherhood and academia.

We encourage contributors to consider the changing cultural perceptions, representations, and expectations associated with fatherhood, and to explore the impact of such changes on their identities as teachers and scholars. Increasingly, fathers are taking on a more intense role with regard to child-rearing than ever before. How do today’s male academics view their participation in the parenting process? How is this changing the nature of the job? Has the evolving role of the father in contemporary society changed the job itself?

We also welcome essays that focus on how the evolution of fatherhood is changing the face of academia. Have we seen any concrete changes on college campuses to encourage the “professor as interactive father” schemata? What is the climate like for male professors who “want it all”? Are they able to balance fatherhood and the road to tenure? What gives?

Editors
Mary Ruth Marotte, Ph.D. is an Assistant Professor of English and the Director of Graduate Studies in English at the University of Central Arkansas, where she specializes in women’s studies and critical theory. Her book, Captive Bodies: American Women Writers Redefine Pregnancy and Childbirth, was released by Demeter Press in October 2008. She lives in Conway, AR with her husband and three children.

Paige Martin Reynolds, Ph.D. is an Assistant Professor of English at the University of Central Arkansas. Her specializations include Shakespeare, British Renaissance Drama, Performance Studies, and Elizabeth I. She has written articles published or forthcoming in SEL: Studies in English Literature, 1500-1900, ANQ: American Notes and Queries, and 1650-1850: Ideas, Aesthetics, and Inquiries in the Early Modern Era. She lives in Little Rock, AR with her husband and daughter.

Deadline: March 1, 2009

Length: 1,500 to 4,000 words.

Format: Essays must be typed, double-spaced, and paginated. Please include your name, address, phone number, e-mail address, and a short bio on the last page.

Send submissions electronically to: Mary Ruth Marrotte, mrmarotte [at] hotmail.com

Five Ways to Make a Baby Smile

2008-11-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

A new article about how to make a baby smile by James di Properzio is up at www.GreatDads.com. In case you don't feel like clicking over there, we're taking the liberty to post it here:

Much has been made of the importance of a baby’s smile, and cross-cultural studies show that all human babies smile at about the same age, 3-5 months. As a father, this is one of the best ways to connect, because it’s gratifying to see them smile, and they will pay rapt attention, and start looking forward to your stimulating company. All it really takes are the simplest tricks, and a total lack of inhibition—at least around babies. Here are five ways for dads to make a baby smile, and probably even guffaw.

1. Pretend to sneeze: For some reason, this is like Saturday Night Live for babies. Ham it up, acting like you’re really going to have a big sneeze—the baby will stare at you, riveted, maybe even looking worried. Then fake sneeze in the most ridiculous way you can—try channeling one of the Three Stooges. Even very young babies you might have thought to be pre-humor will crack up. In fact, that look of worry suggests that the anticipation, and the catharsis at your fake sneeze, are probably what makes it so funny—that’s the basic structure of all jokes, and this is the first one they really get.

2. Toes in Beard: While the baby is on her back, pick up her feet and stick her toes right into your beard, combing them through with swooping motions like you’re trying to remove tangles. Don’t forget to look surprised and exclaim “Toes in beard!” as if the baby were doing something alarming to you. If/when you don’t have a beard, sideburns work fine; in a pinch, even you hair, if you’re not too fussy about your ‘do. Five-o’clock shadow is also good for tickling the bottoms of the toes and feet, and as a variation you can pretend to shave with the baby’s feet. Anything that involves the feet being on your face is good for them, including hiding your eyes behind the feet and then saying “Hey, where’d he go?” while trying to look around.

3. Neck attack: While holding baby, turn your head and get right in there to kiss the baby’s neck repeatedly, making loud smacking and snortling noises. Works even better with a little stubble, which tickles. This is one of the few tricks that work from earliest babyhood until they’re old enough to make you knock it off, like around ten.

4. Stinky feet: While the baby is on his back, hold up one foot and say, “Let’s see if this foot is clean.” (Once the baby is talking, you can ask instead, which adds to the fun.) Smell the foot, rolling your eyes around as if considering carefully, and say, “Oh, yeah, what a nice clean foot!” Then pick up the other one, ask if this one is clean, put your nose up to it and immediately howl “Oh, stinky!” Once they can talk, they’ll ask you to do this one over and over, like 25 times. My 7-year-old, whose feet really do get stinky by now, is still trying to get me to do it again, even though I’ve been refusing for years.

5. Chicken surprise: when the baby is old enough to sit up in a bouncy seat or high chair, get directly behind them, put both hands on your sides and flap your elbows behind your back like chicken wings. Walk slowly from side to side where the baby can’t quite turn enough to see you, making quiet bock-bock noises. When you get to one end and the baby finally sees you swoop in and peck at the nape of their neck with your nose, excitedly rattling off, “Bock! Bock-bock-bock-bockawk!” Repeat, headed in the other direction.

All of these shticks will have their rapt attention, and they’ll be begging for more once they can communicate. You, of course, will get tired of it after a few minutes, but it’s always nice to feel like you left them wanting more, and with very young children, the more you do it, the funnier it gets.

Baby, You're Home--Great Article on Home Birth in the NYT

2008-11-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

There's a long detailed article on home birth in the New York Times "Home and Garden" section. It's really inspiring. We say to all expectant couples -- consider a home birth. They are on the rise, even in New York City, and the people who are having them are onto something: birth doesn't need to be a medicalized and invasive experience.

Even if you have your baby in the hospital, try to stay home as long as you can. Don't go in until your wife literally feels that she cannot bear the pain one more second. That way, they'll be kind and attentive to you in the hospital and they won't try to hurry the labor along.

We have a friend who called her midwife and said her water broke. Her midwife said, "rent two movies, and watch them all the way through, then call me back and we'll see if you're ready to come to the hospital." They did. The laboring wife doesn't remember anything about the movies, but she was so far along when she got to the hospital that she was treated like royalty.

If you want to read more about home birth, here's an article about home birth in western Massachusetts by Jennifer Margulis, first published in Valley Kids:

Pregnant? Consider Having Your Baby at Home

By JENNIFER MARGULIS
Special to Valley Kids

GREENFIELD — When Florence-resident Kirsten Kowalski-Lane got pregnant with her second child, she decided she wanted to try having a home birth. Her son, William, was born in Cooley-Dickinson Hospital, which is down the street from her house. Her son’s birth went well. “The midwives were lovely,” Kowalski-Lane, who is the Director of the Parenting Center in Northampton—a drop-in center that offers support for children of parents ages 0-5—remembers, “Everything was very normal.”

But, despite the fact that she had no complaints about the hospital or her birth attendants, Kowalski-Lane knew that she wanted to do things differently the second time. “I realized how much of the birth I was in control of,” she explains, “I could have had him anywhere.” This realization, that birth was a normal, natural process that needed no drastic medical intervention, encouraged Kowalski-Lane to consider alternative s to a conventional hospital birth. In addition, she did not like the hit or miss way it was the midwife or doctor on call at the hospital who would deliver her baby. “I wanted to have a different kind of relationship with the person or people who delivered my child,” she continues, “a closer relationship.”

Convincing her husband Jon Lane and her family was not as easy. “It was a good month that Jon needed to think about it,” says Kowalski-Lane, whose baby, Grace Margaret Anne Lane, was born at home on May 17th, 2002. The couple met twice with the River Valley Midwives, a group of home birth midwives that has been delivering babies in the Valley since the late 1970s. Although they initially hid the fact that they had decided to have a home birth from Jon’s family (and from Kirsten’s older sister who is a doctor), Jon’s grandmother was thrilled when she found out her great grand child was born at home. “She told us that she was born at home, and she turned out just fine,” explains Kowalski-Lane. “Now Jon is very proud that we did this. He tells everyone!”

Like Kirsten Kowalski-Lane, many Valley women are deciding to have their babies at home. According to Terri Nash, the River Valley midwife who caught Grace, there are 6 home birth midwives in active practice and approximately 50 babies born at home here in the Valley each year. In Massachusetts 1-2% of all babies born, approximately 800 babies in total, are born at home.

“The number one reason that we get is that it feels right to women,” explains Nash who is a Certified Professional Midwife, or CPM. “It is natural. Women do not menstruate or procreate in the hospital...Why should they have their baby there?”

Home birth midwives, Nash explains, work closely with area hospitals. They exercise great caution and, if anything goes wrong during labor, they accompany their clients to the hospital and stay with them, as their advocates, during the birth. But, although they have a “cooperative relationship with...local nurse midwives and hospitals,” according to Nash, home birth midwives do things differently from obstetric nurses, midwives, and doctors. Prenatal visits are an hour long, some take place in the client’s own home, parents have access to a lending library of books and videos about birth, and the midwives come as soon as the mother starts labor or feels the need to have them there. They stay with the new mother and baby for 3-4 hours after the birth, and they follow up with postpartum visits at the client’s home 1 day and 2 days later and office check-ups 1 week , 3 weeks, and 6 weeks later.

“They lead you through the process,” reiterates Kowalski-Lane, who was impressed by how the River Valley Midwives took their time with her and treated her with interest and respect. “Even though I had already had a baby, I appreciated it. You don’t feel like part of a factory.”

The first time Kowalski-Lane met Terri Nash and Jharna Harvey-Amai, she sensed their approach was different. “I felt so good in their presence,” remembers Kowalski-Lane , “I wasn’t even under their care but I felt cared for.”

During her pre-natal visits the connection Kowalski-Lane felt with her midwives deepened, “They were really interested in me...in who I am. They wanted to really get to know me,” says Kowalski-Lane who remembers one time when she arrived to an appointment late and stressed out. “My blood pressure was high,” she says, “I had been rushing around.” Nash invited her to sit down, made her a cup of tea, and gave her a head and neck massage. When her blood pressure was measured again it was back within normal levels.

Even some Valley health care providers are themselves choosing to have their babies at home. “Up to a third of the people who come to are practice are health care professionals,” says Nash, who remembers one birth that was progressing slowly. The father, a doctor, and the mother, a nurse practitioner, had been laboring for several hours. When Nash checked she realized that the baby’s head was asynclinic, or tilted, and that the position of the head was obstructing labor. She instructed the mother to walk up and down the stairs, which she did, with her husband by her side. The head resolved and the labor progressed quickly after that.

Nash remembers the husband’s surprise that the difficulty could be resolved so easily with so little intervention: “He said, ‘oh my god! Why didn’t I learn this in medical school?!’”

Other techniques that home birth midwives use to avoid medical intervention work just as well. If a woman is 14 days past her due date American doctors will induce labor using potentially harmful drugs or hormones, like pitocin, to get labor started. The River Valley Midwives use a different technique. “We have had 98% success with a combination of herbs and acupuncture,” says Nash, who explains that the first-time mother will go into labor, on average, ten days past her due date, a fact that means that she only has a four-day window before medical procedures are recommended. Instead of sending a client to the hospital, River Valley Midwives refers their clients to local acupuncturists to get labor started. One acupucturist, Amy Mager, has five children, four of whom were born at home. “If those [the herbs and the acupuncture] do not work, then we kick in with castor oil...and we have had a 100% success rate,” says Nash.

The cost of a home birth? Less than half of a typical hospital birth. “More and more insurance companies are covering home births,” says Nash, “because they are realizing how much cheaper it is.” River Valley Midwives charges a universal fee of $2,800 which, if paid by 36 weeks, is reduced to $2,300, and they are willing to make private arrangements with clients who have financial difficulties. A conventional hospital birth costs about $5,000, often more, depending on the interventions.

“I'm saddened by the stories of women who had hospital births and have negative feelings about their birth experience,” says Kirsten Kowalski-Lane. “My advice to women in general is to realize that birth is normal and safe. It's your experience, make it what you want it to be. Home birth is the optimal, it's how we should be treated.”

Resources for Dads Dealing with Miscarriage

2008-11-11T12:44:00.001-08:00

If you're an expectant father and your wife has a miscarriage, how do you deal with it? Miscarriage is sad for everyone and you may be so busy helping your wife get through the bleeding, D & C (if she needs to have one), and disappointment, that you conveniently stay out of touch with your own feelings of sadness. It turns out there are a lot of articles on the Web written by dads for dads who are going through that kind of hurt.

Here are some of the most popular links we found:

A Father's Perspective at Pregnancy and Baby: A sad, sweet article about the sadness one dad feels when he finds out his wife has lost their baby.

Miscarriage: A Father Speaks at the Fatherhood Institute: Another first-person account of losing a baby to miscarriage.

Dealing with Miscarriage at About.com About.com is not our favorite site for information (and tends to be a lot less accurate than Wikipedia, for instance) but this article by Wayne Parker is pretty helpful and thorough.

Miscarriages: Men Grieve Too at ask Mr. Dad: some practical advice for dads dealing with miscarriage.

Have you dealt with miscarriage? What helped you get through it? We'd love for you to share your story with us.

More on Elie's Story

2008-11-04T21:30:00.001-08:00

Here's an update about Elie, the baby we blogged about back in March, who was diagnosed with VCFS after she was born. This post is written by her mom, our friend Holly Smith:

What a difference a day makes—or, in this case, a couple of months.

After grappling with Elie’s VCFS diagnosis, we were brought back down to earth: In June, she was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension (PH), a chronic, potentially fatal condition where the pressure in the vessels leading to and from the lungs is too high. Although they’re making tremendous strides in treating PH, the reality is that most people with PH die of PH.

So, in my darker moments (of which there are many), I'm terrified that Elie will die. Horrified. Paralyzed. Literally unable to breathe from the stress of it.

BUT.

In other moments, I stand back and remember that she has as good a chance of beating PH as anyone else. The advances in treatment are coming fast and furious.

Even better, we learned at Elie’s angioplasty last week that her PH seems to be confined to just her left lung (something that’s practically unheard of).

If this continues to be the case, it could truly be a game-changer. Even if Elie needs to have her left lung removed someday, she could conceivably live a full, productive life with just one lung.

Honestly, when we got that news, it felt like the governor calling at one minute ‘til midnight. That’s how huge it was.

I even cajoled our PH doc into dropping the clinical-detachment crap and giving us a “Rah, rah!” before we checked out of the ICU after the angioplasty. It was a small victory, but we’ll take anything we can get for our “win” column.

Anyway, I have to believe that she'll make it. I really, really do. Because I can barely function during those times when I ponder her death; it truly makes the floor drop out from under me.

I'm trying so hard to live in the moment, as they say, but it's tough. I was holding Elie the other day, listening to the radio, when "Happy Together" came on. One moment, I was singing, "I can't see me loving nobody but you for all my life" to her, and the next, I was sobbing.

It's an overwhelming dance to do.

However things go, I’ll continue posting updates to www.carepages.com (search under “EliesPage”); I’m praying ferociously that it’ll be all good news from now on.

NYT: Stay-at-Home Dad Loses 30 Pounds

2008-11-03T15:53:00.000-08:00

There is a sweet as-told-to piece in the New York Times about how Aron Ward, a dad of three in south central Pennsylvania decides to stay home during his 3rd son's first year and loses 30 pounds taking his son out for walks and activities.

The full text is here.

Here's an excerpt:

My wife would probably say that I took good care of the boys that year but that I could have done a little better with the housework. On the days I had Jackson alone, I was always on the go with him. He wasn’t much of a napper, so I’d walk the mall with him in the stroller. I dropped 30 pounds in that year. In the summer I had all three boys, which was a little difficult because of the age differences and their different interests.

By last October, I was ready to start looking for work. I thought that I had taken Jackson a long way, and I felt confident that the little guy would do O.K. in day care at that point.

Anita is now director of claims for Rite Aid, but she had worked for Nationwide at one time and suggested that I interview with the company. She thought that I might enjoy the insurance field. I scheduled an interview and hired a baby sitter for a couple of hours.

Nationwide hired me last December, and I started there in January. I analyze the risk of offering insurance on certain properties and calculate the premium to charge. This helps agents determine if it’s worth it to offer property insurance to a retailer, for example. I work with about 13 insurance agents. The job has a lot of diversity, and I like the people aspect.

Still, it was hard leaving Jackson with someone else that first day. I can relate to how mothers who return to work must feel. He and I bonded that year. But by the end of his first week in day care, Jackson didn’t want to leave when I went to pick him up.

I’m glad to be back at work, but I miss the baby. It’s hard not knowing his routine, but I know he’s being well taken care of. I also miss walking the mall with him. I’ve put on a few pounds since I’ve returned to work. I’ve also stayed friends with a couple of the guys in the stay-at-home dads group, and our families get together occasionally. I don’t know one of them who would trade for the world the experience of being at home with their kids.

Proof that the first Halloween is really for the parents

2008-11-02T15:51:00.000-08:00

This picture says it all...

Being Treated Like a Second-Class Parent

2008-10-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

My son's preschool celebrated his birthday today, and both parents are supposed to come in for an hour, and bring fruit salad. So I dropped him off, bought fruit, made fruit salad, and brought it back; my wife had chaperoned a field trip for our daughter and couldn't get back on time. I explained this to the teacher and she said, "Oh, no; this is terrible! The father sometimes doesn't come, but never the mother! He would be the only one not to have his mother there." She said it sadly, not chidingly. Not interested in entertaining this sexist nonsense, I patiently explained that my son would be fine with that--now, where shall I put the fruit salad? The teacher said she would wait for my wife, or postpone it--I was not willing to have wasted my morning when I had other things to do, and discouraged this idea. Then she started calling my daughter's teacher to get my wife sent over, pronto; in the end, I called my wife and, hearing that she was on her way home anyway, asked her just to come over so that we could get on with it, even if it meant waiting another 20 minutes to start.

I've been treated as a second-class parent any number of ways in my nine years of parenting, but this time seemed less like a habitual assumption, as is usually the case, and more about the essence of mothers and fathers. The teacher told me the mother should be there for what she called the birth story--I assumed that meant the story of the labor, our home birth with midwives, all of which involved me, as far as I remember. But it turned out to be a dilute fairy tale about "before you were born" and sliding down rainbows to Earth--and into your mother's arms.

Part of why this makes me so mad is that, truth be told, it's not always easy for me to feel like I'm a good parent. I don't have a well-worn mold to fall into, and in the everyday chaos of parenting, I wonder at the end of every day how I could have done better. But I am certainly a very committed, fully engaged parent, and not some sort of back-up parent. After I showed up and brought the fruit salad, she made it clear that I was optional in the celebration of his birth, while his mother was essential. In the vaguely Christian feel of the celebration, I felt like Joseph--a benevolent figure who may have been there for the birth, but not exactly a parent like Mary.

Sure, I didn't carry my kids to term, and hardly envy my wife that. But my idea of myself as a father since then is that I have been as essential as my, er, contribution was to get the pregnancy started. As fathers, we're only less important if we choose to believe in myths like the one at the preschool, and give ourselves a smaller role in our children's lives. Like many dads today, I've chosen to have my children land in my arms, in my care as much as their mother's. If we can resist the myths and prejudices and make our own choices, the next generation will have a strong image of father's role, and maybe it won't be such an uphill battle.

Stranger Anxiety-Parents and Babies Both Get It

2008-10-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

Some new parents don't want anyone to hold their baby. We understand this. It's a primal urge, perhaps, to want to protect your child from strangers and even the smell of someone else's cologne on your infant can raise hackles on the back of your neck. But other parents aren't uptight about the baby making the rounds and going from one admirer's arms to another, which is their prerogative as well, and which makes for easy family gatherings and a more relaxed mom and dad.

Once the baby gets bigger, he starts to have opinions about who's holding him. He starts to associate love and safety with mom and dad and gets anxious around strangers. Most experts agree that this is a sign of healthy attachment the baby has for his caregiver. So when your son starts to squawk when you hand him over to a fawning admirer, know it's because he feels safer with you than anyone else in the world (and don't force him to remain in someone else's arms, which will just make the anxiety worse).

BEST AGAVE-SWEETENED, WHOLE WHEAT LEMON CAKE EVER – a healthier version of more traditional recipes

2008-10-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

This cake is a great hit at parties with grown-ups and kids alike. You can make it a bit lighter by substituting some white flour for the whole wheat flour, or make it healthier (for babies and toddlers) by adding a tablespoon of brewer’s yeast, a tablespoon of wheat germ, and a tablespoon of kelp before measuring out the flour. The lemon and butter add such strong flavor that the cake can also accommodate other kinds of flour—experiment with using a few tablespoons of oat flour, garbanzo bean flour, or barley flour to keep things interesting and to mix up the grains a bit.

If you've never cooked with whole wheat flour and agave and are unsure, try using 1/2 the "weird stuff" the recipe calls for and the rest your normal flour/sugar as a way to convert your baking over to healthier alternatives. Ditto for the xylitol in the glaze.

INGREDIENTS:
2 cups whole wheat flour (see note above)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, room temperature
1 3/4 cups agave
3 eggs
Grated zest of 1 large organic lemon
1 cup plain yogurt (more traditional recipes call for sour cream)

Lemon Glaze:
1/4 cup melted butter
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (from the lemon you grated for the zest)
1 cup xylitol or powdered turbinado sugar (put raw cane sugar in the blender to make it into a healthier version of confectioners sugar) or a combination of both

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 325°. Generously butter and flour a cake pan.

Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl or large measuring cup and set aside.

Cream the butter, and slowly pour in the agave. Then beat in the eggs and add the lemon zest.

Add the flour mixture to the wet ingredients alternately with yogurt.

Bake at 325 for 55 to 65 minutes. The cake is done when a knife inserted into the center comes out clean.

To make the glaze: combine all the ingredients in a bowl, blending until smooth and drizzle the glaze onto the cake.

At Home Dad Barred From Play Group

2008-10-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

Triplets Dad posted about this article in the Surrey Now newspaper. A part-time stay-at-home dad in Surrey, British Columbia, and his part-time stay-at-home wife joined a play group. When he finally had time to attend an event, the door was closed in his face and he was told he was not welcomed because he was a dad. Here's the original article:

Moms club to Surrey dad: we 'hate to discriminate, but...'
Father and son get boot

Ted Colley
Surrey Now

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sorry, no dads.

That's the message a Clayton Hills father got when he tried to join the activities of the Cloverdale Mommy & Me Meetup group.

Rick Kaselj is a registered kinesiologist and father of Cole, his infant son. A relative newcomer to Surrey, Kaselj was looking for opportunities to meet people in his neighbourhood when he discovered the group online.

"My wife and I just had our first child. She works days and I work evenings, so I'm a part-time stay-at-home dad. I found this group online two or three months ago and signed up."

Since then, Kaselj said, he's been getting the emails sent out to group members announcing events the organizers have put together for members and their children.

Other commitments meant he didn't have time to attend any events until recently, but when he expressed interest in joining in on the fun, the door was slammed shut.

"I received an email this morning or last night saying I'm not welcome," Kaselj said.

"I was hoping to participate with them, but I'm not welcome because I'm a dad."

The email, signed Cloverdale Mothers Group, apologetically informed Kaselj that more than half of the members want the group to be for mothers only.

"I hate to discriminate," the author went on, "but hope you can understand when it comes to the security of our children and especially since you have not been able to attend a meetup."

Kaselj wonders why something wasn't said earlier when he first joined online and is really puzzled about the reference to the security of the other members' children.

"I'm not sure what that means," he said.

"All that time I'm getting their emails, then all of a sudden, it's a problem."

Email requests for comment sent to Fiona, the group's organizer remained unanswered as the Now went to press Friday afternoon.

Saying Thank You

2008-10-08T19:16:00.001-07:00

Recently my friend Kris Bordessa (author of a great book for parents and educators called "Team Challenges") posted a comment on Facebook that she felt like people underuse the two small words "thank you." That got me thinking about saying thank you. Full disclosure: I am not a big fan of thank you notes-- I grumpily think they waste trees and are sort of an insincere formality most of the time--but I do think feeling, acting, and expressing appreciation is really important.

So yesterday after my daughter's friend's mom sent her home from a nice playdate with a loaf of zucchini bread that we all enjoyed, we sat at the table together and wrote her a thank you note. The act of writing it collectively--and talking about kindness and gratitude--brought our family together and the girls both wrote nice notes of their own on the card.

Here's what Kris had to say when I emailed her to thank *HER* for inspiring us to say thank you:

I think it's a really good lesson for kids - and adults - to be appreciative, even of the little things. I get very grouchy when people ask me for favors and then can't even bother with a quick thank you. So, my FB comment was spurred by negative feelings, but it is something that I've taken to heart. I've even started sending thank you notes to businesses who have great employees. It's way too easy to simply complain when there's a problem, but I think it's nice to say the good stuff, too! With this economy, and all of the negativity in the world right now, I think a little good juju goes a long way.

Thank you for reading this post.

Don't (Always) Trust Your Doctor

2008-09-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

You know yourself and your baby better than anyone, and you may find that what you think is the right thing to do is not always what the doctor tells you to do.

If you live in a big city, you may have to wait 45 minutes to an hour (or longer) for a Well Baby Check-up. This happened to us in Atlanta and by the time the doctor saw us our baby, long overdue for a nap, had screamed herself hoarse. The doctor looked in her ears and said she had an ear infection, and prescribed antibiotics and "something for the pain."

She didn't have an ear infection. She didn't need anything for the pain. She was tired. She needed to not be at the doctor's!

We filled the prescription and hightailed back to the crib. And found Robert S. Mendolsohn's masterful, readable, smart book called How to Raise a Healthy Child ... in spite of your doctor.

Mendolsohn points out that babies are often misdiagnosed as having ear infections from crying.

He also says that in Europe ear infections aren't usually treated.

We disposed of the unnecessary antibiotics and pain meds and that was the last Well Baby Check-up we ever took our baby to.

How Many Minutes Do You Spend With Your Baby?

2008-09-27T22:31:00.001-07:00

Forget playing. Forget peek-a-boo. Just try to put in the time. (Kid on the back drooling while you do the dishes counts).

Dads on Facebook

2008-09-22T13:34:00.001-07:00

Have you noticed that the women you see on Facebook who have kids post pictures with their children but the dads on Facebook post pictures of themselves sans children?

Hmm.

Co-author James di Properzio decided to buck the trend. In his Facebook picture he's featured with his daughter.

Co-author Jennifer Margulis decided to participate in the cliché. Her picture has all three children in it.

Tainted Milk

2008-09-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

It's been all over the news this week -- on the radio, in the newspapers, on TV -- that over six thousand children in China are sick from drinking tainted milk products. Here's a relatively in-depth story about it from the AP, posted on MSNBC (a news organization with a conservative, pro-business, pro-vaccine slant).

What's the moral of the story here? Don't feed your baby "products." Feed your baby food. We all know that human breast milk is best for babies. If your wife can't breast feed, you can still make your own substitute milk or use goat milk supplemented with other real whole food that babies can tolerate and digest.

But formula companies would have us think that they have the magic elixir and without it our babies won't grow up to be healthy. The opposite is actually true and China is a case in point. Don't be fooled by the formula companies and the billions they spend in advertising and brainwashing.

Older Dads = Higher Chance of Bipolar Disease

2008-09-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

A Swedish study reported on in the Health section of the New York Times links the age of the father with the frequency of bipolar disease in offspring. The New York Times article is here. Some highlights:

Researchers examined health records of more than 7 million people, identified over 13,400 with bipolar disease (who they matched with 5 controls), and divided fathers into 5-year age categories starting at age 20.

After adjusting for other factors (like a history of mental illness), they found consistently increasing risk as the fathers aged.

Fathers aged 55 and older had the highest risk of having children with bipolar disease.

Advanced paternal age has also been linked to higher rates of autism and schizophrenia in adult children.

Pregnant Mom Bloggers Wanted For Freelance Writing Gig

2008-09-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

This was forwarded to us from Jamie Pearson, the Travel Savvy Mom of fame for hanging out her skivvies to dry. Underwear aside, it looks like a fun opportunity for a pregnant writer mama:

One of my clients (a biotech company located in Mountain View) is looking to hire a small group of women who are in their first trimester of pregnancy for a freelance (writing) project. Ideally, we are looking at freelance writers who also are bloggers (meaning, have their own, personal blogs that talk about parenting).

If you are pregnant, in your first trimester of pregnancy and have a personal blog... and take freelance work, please send me an email with your contact information and a link to your personal blog/sites.

We are also looking to hire women outside of Silicon Valley - so feel free to pass this along to anyone you know who fits this description.

This is going to be an incredibly cool freelance assignment (and yes, it pays!!!)..... so please let me know if you are interested in learning more.

Thanks so much!
Jill Asher

--
Jill Asher
Co-Founder, Silicon Valley Moms Group
http://www.svmoms.com
e: jill.asher@gmail.com
Follow Me On Twitter! SVMOM

Gee Your Baby Smells Terrific

2008-09-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

When our son was not yet two, I took him on a work trip to Ohio. I was giving two presentations at a 3-day writing retreat with a group of other writer mamas who are all part of an on-line invitation only listserv. “Airplane, vroom, vroom,” Etani started saying a few weeks before we left.

We both bonded with my formerly cyberspace-only friends. Marjorie read him a book about a mouse who drives a truck over and over again, saying that she missed her little boy (whom she had been happy to leave at home) and Jody regaled him with a complicated story about a Funky Hippo who leaves his watering hole in search of disco dancing dudes. The elaborate plot—and their subsequent search for the Funky Hippo (“Do you think he’s by those bushes?” Jody would ask. “Yah!” Etani would shriek)—kept him from fussing during the 2-hour car ride back to the airport.

“I miss Etani,” Jody emailed the day after she returned to her two children, ages 7 and 11, in South Carolina. “I don’t know how I’m going to survive a whole year without seeing him.”

Being with a small child is tactile and immediate. There is something about having them close to you—their little hands holding yours, their little lips giving you kisses—that is so primal and immediate. I understood exactly what Jody meant. When I'm away, I miss my children in a visceral way.

One of the things that helps us bond to these small creatures who steal our hearts is their smell. When they are small, babies smell like baking bread and sweet milk. Their natural body odors and skin oils make you want to cuddle up to them. I have a picture of my husband opening his mouth to eat up my daughter (whose head was almost small enough to fit between his teeth) when she was three weeks old. Infants and babies naturally smell delicious.

Which is why it's a good idea not to become obsessive about washing your newborn or toddler.

How to clean a newborn:

1. Skip daily bathing: spot clean often but avoid giving them a bath a day as this dries out and irritates sensitive skin.
2. Don't use chemicals on your baby: A lot of what is put in baby products is actually toxic. Learn to read the labels and avoid products with ingredients you can't pronounce.
3. Only put on your baby's skin what you'd put in his mouth: A baby's skin absorbs the lotions and creams you use on it and takes it into the body. Use only products with ingredients so natural that they are okay for your baby's body to "eat." The best choice is organic olive oil or avocado oil for moisturizer and warm water for washing. Newborns don't need to be bathed with soap more than once every week or two.
4. Skip baby wipes: even the "natural" ones can cause diaper rash and irritation. Instead, use a clean wash cloth and warm water to clean up diaper mess.

A week after we came home a letter arrived in the mail from Etani. It was from the Funky Hippo. He found the disco dancing dudes. And left his conventional soap back at the old watering hole.

Back to School Pencils

2008-08-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

All pencils aren't created equal.

ForestEthics has a ranking system for pencil-making companies and only two are on the A-list.

These two companies, according to ForestEthics, do not clear cut forests and are not destroying the Sierra Nevadas in their pencil making.

So, when you go to purchase pencils, buy from either ForestChoice or Greenline Paper Company, NOT from any of the others.

Here's the ForestEthicss report card:

Mama, Ph.D. Upcoming Literary Events

2008-08-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

Check out one of these upcoming literary events for the new anthology, "Mama Ph.D.," which is a new book that explores the intersection of women and academics (and includes a story by Jennifer Margulis, "Recovering Academic"):

October 11, 7:15pm San Francisco
co-editor Caroline Grant reading (with Literary Mama columnists) at LitCrawl

October 20, 7pm New York City
co-editors Caroline Grant & Elrena Evans, along with contributors Susan O'Doherty and Nicole Cooley reading at Bluestockings Bookstore

October 21, 7:15pm New York City
the same quartet reading at KGB Bar

October 27, 7:30pm San Francisco Public Radio (KALW)
Caroline Grant in conversation with Joan Williams and Mary Ann Mason

November 13, 6pm, Berkeley
Caroline Grant, Lisa Harper, Jennifer Eyre White and Irena Smith reading at University Press Books

February 13, 7pm Chicago
Caroline Grant reading (with other Literary Mama editors) at Women & Children First bookstore

Pregnancy is the Time of Your Life?

2008-08-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

Check out Jennifer's essay in the 15th anniversary issue of Fit Pregnancy Magazine. Here's an excerpt:

This Is The Time Of Your Life

Enjoy every moment, even the icky ones. pregnancy flies by faster than you can imagine.

By Jennifer Margulis

There are things nobody tells you: That your belly will itch so much it feels like the prickle is on the inside. That when traffic makes your husband an hour late, you'll have the phone in hand ready to call the police, absolutely positive that he's become a paraplegic in a five-car pileup. That your "morning" sickness will happen at night and last for more than six stomach-churning months, and your husband's breath will smell like rotting meat. Then you'll do a Google search or pick up The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy and realize that the warnings were there all along, but your eyes had skipped over them, that you can't understand what it means to be pregnant until you are throwing up into your purse at the mall. Until, that is, you are living it yourself.

Even then, there are phases of pregnancy you couldn't possibly have anticipated, like when the sidewalk can resemble a comfortable place to nap and how at first you can't tell whether the baby's kicking or you just have indigestion. Nor can anyone really describe to you how your body and heart suddenly will feel full of purpose and promise. How the fact that you're cooking a baby who will undoubtedly have the funny ears that run in your husband's family and the impossibly long eyelashes that run in yours—that you're creating an ancestral DNA of your own!—trumps every annoying, weird symptom that comes along. People forget to mention how this mysterious little person will keep you company every hour of every day, banishing every notion of loneliness for the unforeseeable future, how even though you've yet to meet, you'll love your growing baby with a ferocity that makes Superwoman look wimpy, and how glad you'll be that your body knows how to make eyelashes without consulting you.

At first your pregnancy is a delicious, almost licentious, secret. Then you start to show and find yourself a member of a club that you didn't know existed, part of an underworld of intimacy among moms-to-be and moms-that-are. You are privy to details about other women's labors, the ones that lasted 36 hours and the ones so abrupt that the baby emerged in a shower stall ...

Premature Birth

2008-08-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

By Jennifer Margulis

When my friend Nora’s son was born the team of doctors went into Code Red. She and her husband Frank only glimpsed the baby before he was whisked away for tests. It looked like one of his lungs was collapsing, the doctors explained. They were so concerned they sent Danny immediately to a larger hospital with a neo-natal intensive care unit. Instead of drinking champagne and counting toes, Frank found himself riding in an ambulance beside his newborn son, who was hooked up to so many life supports you could barely see his tiny self.

“Do ya think it’s possible they cut me open too early?” Nora, who is a doctor herself, asked a few months later. She was ostensibly talking to me but really musing to herself. “Full term babies don’t usually have lung problems. I keep wondering if we got the dates wrong…” Because they were concerned about uterine rupture, the doctors scheduled a C-section for Danny at 38 weeks, two weeks before Nora’s due date. But if the baby’s due date had been miscalculated by two weeks, it might mean that Danny was born at 36 weeks instead of 38.

The difference is not just semantic. A 36-week-old Danny would be considered a preemie. The March of Dimes defines premature birth as any birth occurring before 37 weeks of gestation. And preterm babies often suffer from a host of health problems, the most common caused by premature lung capacity. Disturbingly, the numbers of babies born prematurely in America has been rising steadily in the past ten years.

In 2004 12.5% of live births, or one in eight babies, were premature. That translates into half a million babies. This number is even more striking if we take a longer view: “The incident of preterm birth was 12.1% in 2002, which is up 27% from 1982,” says Dr. Siobhan Dolan, M.D., an assistant professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology and Women’s Health at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York. “The rate is high and it’s rising. It’s going in the wrong direction.”

While doctors and researchers are not exactly sure why, several reasons that premature birth is on the increase have been identified. One major culprit is the use of fertility drugs like Chlomid, which results in a much greater likelihood of becoming pregnant with multiples, and which doctors are prescribing with increasing frequency to help couples conceive.

“Fifty percent of mothers who have a twin gestation have babies born prematurely,” says Durlin Hickok, M.D., who specializes in preterm birth. Hickok also says that African American women are twice as likely to give birth prematurely than white women: “Poverty, poor access to prenatal care, lack of health insurance, low pre-pregnancy weight, and poor lifestyle habits—drinking, smoking, drug use—can all contribute to preterm birth.” Scientists also believe that pregnant women who work long hours standing up, women younger than 17 and older than 35, and women who don’t receive adequate prenatal care are at higher risk.

My friend Sara was carrying twins when her water broke unexpectedly four years ago. She was 41 years old and pregnant after seven years of trying. The doctors wanted to keep the babies in utero as long as possible to allow them more time for their lungs to develop. At 35 weeks, 11 days after she was hospitalized, Sara went into labor. Her son was born weighing 5.5 lbs, her daughter was much smaller. At 3.75 pounds and 14 inches long, Maya could only wear doll’s clothes.

Having her twins in the NICU was the most emotionally devastating and draining experience of her life. “All you want to do is hold those babies and nurse them and have them home,” she told me. “Instead they’re hooked up to bells and whistles and wires and IVs through their heads and IVs through their belly button.”

Frank’s mom came to care for their older son while Nora was in the hospital and Frank stayed at a Ronald MacDonald House nearby. I drove her to see Danny. He looked big and healthy compared to the micro-preemies who weighed only one or two pounds, tiny babies in heated incubators whose lives, for whatever reason, started too soon.

A version of this post was originally published in the Ashland Daily Tidings

Don't Leave Babies In The Car

2008-07-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

GreatDad has a blog about a man arrested for leaving his 2-year-old in the car alone while he went to see a movie. Last year a 7-month-old baby died of heat exposure after being left by her parents in the car. Juggling full time work and daycare, the parents miscommunicated and didn't realize she was in the car. It was a terrible and tragic accident and it's hard not to feel bad for them, and angry at them too. Here's an excerpt from a KMOV article about the baby's death published September 2007, which has some interesting general statistics:

(KMOV) -- According to police, a 7-month-old girl died from extreme heat after being found in a vehicle in St. Louis on Thursday.

The baby was found around 12:15 p.m. on Thursday in a vehicle in the parking lot of the Washington University School of Medicine.

That's near the intersection of Clayton Ave. and Taylor near Barnes-Jewish Hospital.

The mother of the baby is a pediatrician at Barnes Hospital and the father is a researcher at Washington University Medical Center. The names of the baby and the parents are not being released.

Authorities say the baby was left in the car after a miscommunication between the parents. Police say the parents became confused about which one was with the baby.

A witness tells News 4 that a passerby saw the baby in the car and the child was soaked with sweat. Several people then broke the window of the car with a rock to get to the child. They were unable to revive the baby.

We’re told that the baby may have been locked inside the vehicle for three and a half hours. and died due to extreme heat conditions.

Police say their child abuse unit is still investigating but no charges are expected.

According to a child advocacy group called Kids in Cars says in:

2007 22 children died

2006 29 children died

2005 43 children died

This is the 12th fatality of a child in a hot vehicle in Missouri since 1998, according to a research meteorologist who specializes in the dynamics of how sealed cars heat in the sun.

Free For One Year Olds

2008-07-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

With the price of gas as high as it is and the cost of food skyrocketing, we wonder how anyone buys anything anymore (perhaps thanks to Mr. Visa and Mrs. Mastercard?). That's the great thing about babies -- they don't care if what they are wearing is new or a hand-me-down (wait until they turn 9, this all changes). Even if you are dying to get a closet full of new stuff, you may find yourself unable to buy, buy, buy given the downturn in the economy. The good news is, as we mention in The Baby Bonding Book for Dads, most of the best things to do with babies are free or cost next to nothing. Here are some ideas of free things for dads to do with one year olds:

1. Go to the pet store. Even younger babies get really excited about kittens and puppies and every kid likes to watch goldfish. If you don't have a pet store nearby, go give some love to the closest animal shelter.
2. The local wading pool. Ours costs less than $1. Babies love it.
3. Go for a hike. Walk in-town or discover a new spot in nature. Bring another dad and baby along for company.
4. Go to the library. Even when they are too young to read, babies soon discover that there are plenty of board books to drool on and crawl around space to escape from at the library.
5. Visit family (and leave the baby with the MIL while you go for a run or get coffee).

A Book for Dads to Buy Their Wives

2008-07-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

You want your wife to have this book. Believe us. It's called Hump, and it's by Kimberly Ford and it's about having sex (what's that?) after becoming a parent.

There's all sorts of good stuff in this book, including a chapter on vibrators and another on erotic dancing (stretch marks and C-section scars and all).

Here's the Web site (it's gorgeous, prepare for envy): Humpthebook.com.

Kimberly will be attending something like 30 house parties across the United States and she'll be in Ashland, Oregon on Thursday, August 14th. This one is women only (sorry guys. Send your wives!). If you want to be invited, contact Jennifer Margulis (at professormargulis [at] gmail.com) for details.

A Disturbing Article on MSNBC

2008-07-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

A recent article on kids and health on MSNBC reports that doctors are suggesting children as young as eight years old start taking cholesterol lowering drugs. We find this really disturbing and bizarre -- part of a growing trend in America to medicalize everything about our children's childhoods and treat every problem with drugs.

When drugs are given to children the people who stand to gain the most are the drug companies who profit from every sale.

When we were in Niger, West Africa for a year we had two kinds of health insurance. Neither would pay for the only malaria preventive medicine that was safe for our family (our son has a rare genetic condition, a G6PD deficiency (also known as favism) and he cannot take quinine-based drugs of any kind; I had a violently bad reaction to mefloquine, the anti-malarial of choice even though mosquitoes are resistant to it these days) even though the insurance companies would have been responsible if any of us contracted malaria. The pills we took cost $5 a pill and needed to be taken daily and we paid out of pocket for them until we realized that we were spending more than $1000 beyond what the Fulbright Fellowship stipend was giving us and that we simply didn't have the money. Then we stopped taking any malaria preventative medication. There's a lot wrong with America's health care system -- our inability to pay for needed medication and the recommendation that children take drugs for high cholesterol are two good examples of that.

Let's give our kids fresh air, exercise, and a healthy diet that does not include any processed foods or high cholesterol foods. Let's support organic farmers not irresponsible drug companies. Let's not give 8-year-olds cholesterol lowering medication. Okay?

Baby Bonding Book featured in Texas Family

2008-06-24T23:53:00.000-07:00

This was taken by doing Apple's neat trick of holding down the control-shift-and the #4 keys at the same time to take a snapshot of the screen. Since it's illegible (but it looks cool, doesn't it?), here's what the review says:

The Baby Bonding
Book for Dads
James di Properzio and
Jennifer Margulis
“The Baby Bonding Book for Dads” is
a helpful guide for any new dad who
feels lost parenting a newborn. With
information on bonding, diapering,
napping, going places, and even on
how to carry a baby, this “instruction
manual” provides fathers with
invaluable insight into everyday living
and what matters most in caring for a
baby from birth. Authored by James
di Properzio, a father of three, with
his wife, Jennifer Margulis, it offers
firsthand advice beginning with the
delivery room experience. Filled with
helpful information and beautiful
pictures by Christopher Briscoe, this
guide is a must-have for any new dad.
$15.95, www.willowcreekpress.com.

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

H A P P Y
F A T H E R ' S
D A Y !!

Breakfast in bed, framed photos, calls to long distance grandpas, a walk in the woods, lots of horizontal play time with your spouse ... here's to wishing everyone a happy Father's Day! (even if it is a Hallmark holiday designed to sell greeting cards...)

A round up of book-related Web news

2008-06-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

You can now see the inside of the book (and read parts of it online) at Willow Creek Press.

Kathy Sena has a review of the book up at Ground Reports.

Blonde Mom Blog, one of our favorites, has a great post about dads up at her site (and is doing a book giveaway, click on over there for details).

You can read Jennifer Margulis's article all about Treesorts in Takilma, Oregon at Travel Savvy Mom's cool new Website. Jamie Pearson's blog about kids and travel is hilarious so check it out too.

Picture Time

2008-06-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from a chapter of the Baby Bonding Book for Dads called "Picture Time":

If you're the one in the house who takes the pictures, you'll soon find that there are lots of pictures of the baby, and of the baby and your wife, but almost none of the baby and you. This is often the dad's place: looking in on the action, wanting to record it all, but not in the picture. But to bond with your baby you need to get into the frame, so to speak...

Though some of us think fondly that there was no Father's Day (or Mother's Day) a hundred years ago, a good present for a new dad is a photo shoot. If your budget allows for it, have a professional take pictures of dad and baby (moms can be in them too). If you're feeling the squeeze of the economy, despite that incentive check, set up a photo shoot at home and take the pictures yourself.

Savvy Housewife Book Give Away

2008-06-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

Win a free copy of the book by leaving a comment on the Savvy Housewife's new sassy blog.

Or, if you don't want a free book, read Jennifer Margulis's latest (and penultimate) column in the Ashland Daily Tidings and see if you can figure out what's so controversial about writing about Wildlife Images, an animal rehabilitation center (and an amazing day trip for kids) in southern Oregon.